Dukes & Servants
by Beatlebug
Summary: Summary: AU; Sir Lupin is a Duke surrounded by rumours. When he accidently reveals the truth to the gardener, Sirius Black, a long range of trouble begins. A web of lies and betrayal is hard to escape. As is love.. Rated M for language, memories and interaction. Warning; M/M, dark.
1. A Black

Dukes and Servants

For those of you not familiar with this story, welcome! Those of you who know it is re-written and here to continue, welcome back! 

Please let me know if you enjoy it!

Reviews are very very very much appreciated! It wouldn't be the first time I get inspired by them to change parts of the story (Pssht.. Top Remus or Top Sirius? I will make this a 'M' rated story eventually if your reviews are satisfying)

Summary: Sir Lupin is a Duke surrounded by rumours. When he  
accidently reveals the truth to the gardener, Sirius Black, a long range  
of trouble begins. A web of lies and betrayal is hard to escape.

Beware: This is not going to be just a romantic love story! Drama is about to happen.

Beta: Shout in a Whisper 3

Dedication: Vampiress Black.

I owe nothing and you know it. Except the storyline 

Introduction:

Sir John Lupin was the Duke of a beautiful piece of land in the south of England. He was a warm and kind man. At the age of 31, he married a lovely young woman from a nearby county and they lived a happy life. But soon a shadow was to fall over the man's life and land.

His young wife died giving birth to his only child and the child died with her. Sir John seemed to loose control over himself and his leaseholders and slowly but steadily, life left his once warm and kind spirit.  
So it came that Duke Lupin died without an heir.

With no heir to claim his righteous title, a riot broke out on the peaceful estate. Families from all over the country claimed to be the first in line but many of the documents turned out to be false. One family in particular, an ancient dynasty that had lost their titles due to illicit behaviour, seemed to be determined to seize their chance to claim the title, no matter what.

Then a document showed up, proving the birth of John's younger brother's son. A young man named Remus Lupin. There was no doubt he was the heir everyone had been looking for. And so it was he became the new Duke of the estate.

No one ever saw his face; some said he was only a child, a puppet, ruled by an older, wiser counsellor. Others said he was a victim of a terrible accident which had left him scarred and maimed, a terrible sight to see.

Whatever the true reason was, Sir Remus Lupin never made any public appearances. Nevertheless, he was a wonderful duke. The poor leaseholders on his land never had a better master. He was warm and kind to them and would do everything in his power to make sure they could lead a rather pleasant life. Yes, he was adored by them.

He led a happy, satisfied and slightly spoiled life. But everything changed when _he_ came around.

…

Chapter 1: A Black.

It was a rather sunny Monday morning. He had just finished his breakfast and bath and was now drying himself off. Little beams of sunlight peaked through the windows and caressed his thigh with their warmth. He was sometimes bothered about not being able to run outside when the first beams of a soft spring sun played with the green grass. It was never for long though. Perhaps it was because he didn't know any better. Perhaps it was because he liked the peace and quiet. Somehow, he didn't really seem to mind the situation.

A knock on the door made him quickly put on his underwear.

'Yes?' The door opened and untidy hair followed by a cheery, spectacled face peeked around the corner.

'Sir Lupin? There is someone here who wishes to see you.'

Remus let out an exaggerated sigh. 'Do I really have to?'

The servant smiled. 'It's part of the job, sir.'

Yes, it was, Remus knew, it just wasn't his favourite part. He got dressed and combed his hair. Not that any one would see it but it could never hurt to _try_ to look good. 'It won't get much better than that, you know, sir,' the servant smirked and ducked away as Remus aimed at his head with the brush. It wasn't very appropriate behaviour for a servant, but he was the closest to a friend the young Duke would probably ever get. So instead of rejecting this type of communication, he had encouraged it from an early stage. And he was himself thankful for that. Besides, if someone was to say anything about hair, it was his servant.

Together they left the room and made their way through the castle. It wasn't that big or beautiful, but it was his home. The right wing, his wing, was probably the cosiest part of the castle. No one was allowed there except for his two most loyal servants, the doctors and the maid to clean twice a week.  
The rest of the castle was occupied by his employees or an occasional guest. Yes, he had guests; no, he never saw them. The most common reason they came around was because his castle lay in the middle of few other estates. And welcoming as the young Duke was, he always was kind enough to let them spend the night.

His servant led him to the great hall where he sat behind a curtain, as usual. It was just a thin veil, actually. Some brilliant play of light enabled him to see some of the people in the hall. They, however, were not able to see him. How he hated this curtain. He wanted to face people. To give them a smile to accompany his warm, understanding voice.

But he knew it was for his own good. For _their _own good. Because-

'Duke, Mrs. Black.' The servant woke him out of his thoughts.

He stepped aside and a fierce yet concerned woman strode towards him. She bowed. He had seen her from his windows before. Of course he had never actually _met_ her, but some part of him could tell they would never get along even if they tried. She was a Black, after all. And they all knew what that meant.

'Sir Lupin, I have come to ask you a favour.'

'Speak out.' He made a welcoming gesture with his hand but stopped it mid-air as he realised she couldn't see it anyway.

'My husband is very sick, sir. We can hardly pay the lease and the mines don't bring us enough. Then I heard that you were looking for a new gardener. I need my youngest son to help me around the house and in the mines. The oldest, though. He is- he can… He is a fast learner and a hard worker. He likes nature.' Remus frowned. There had been a very bitter tone in the way the woman spoke of her oldest son. Apparently she wasn't very fond of her him. He shot a glare at his servant who stared back, one eyebrow raised.

He had no idea why, but his words escaped his mouth before he had time to over think them properly.  
It felt as if some weird sense of intuition took over.

'If you could please send your son by tomorrow, I'll be more than happy to give him a chance to prove himself.' Beside him, he could hear the servant boy gasp. The woman thanked him, kneeled once more and left the castle. Remus rose from his seat, realising what he had just done.

A few minutes later, Remus found himself back in his room, his servant leaning in the windowsill.  
'You _do _realise you just agreed to hire a Black, don't you?' The man frowned.  
'I know. What is he like, anyway? I can't remember ever seeing him.'  
The dark-haired boy raised his shoulders. 'I've never met him in person, but I heard he is quite arrogant and obstinate.'  
'And you, as my most loyal employee, are given the task to make sure he behaves.'  
The servant grinned. 'Who better than me?'  
He sighed. 'A Black. Who'd have thought, after...,' the look on the Duke's face ended his sentence prematurely and he clenched his lips together.

'Mwwy.' He said in an attempt to mumble with his mouth closed. 

…

Chapter one!


	2. Room with a View

_Ooh my God. This is so hard! I have some Sirius oh__, uh, I mean serious trouble making an accurate storyline in later chapters! But I will keep on fighting 'cause it just has to be perfect!  
For now, a little more Sirius trouble.. And you have no idea how long it took me to write this chapter._

_You know the rest, I love VampiressBlack and Shout in a Whisper more than ever and__ of course everyone who reviewed or added this story as a favourite or alert (though I like the ones who reviewed a little more..)! I hope you enjoy the story!_

Thanks for reviewing: VampiressBlack (ofcourse), LoverFaery & LittleAnastasia

_For adding as a favourite: AKBookGirl & Annelili_

_For adding as an alert: AKBookGirl, Celdria, heiressofanor, LoverFaery, mrsjackturner, Rue-the_Marauder_

Chapter 2: Sirius trouble.

He didn't sleep very well that night. He couldn't help thinking over and over again why he had thought it a good decision to hire a Black. _To get them in control?_ It was a ridiculous thought. He could hear the servant gasp in his head time after time. A gasp that would probably rush through his estate right now as the news would spread. _He hired a Black_. Well actually he hadn't just _yet, _but Mrs. Black didn't seem like someone you'd politely refuse something to without some kind of vengeance. If they just had stayed on the Slytherin estate… Eventually he dozed off in a restless sleep, accompanied by memories he hadn't had for years.

_The ropes cut his pale skin. Tears.__ The child was crying. _'Please let me go. Please.' _He pleaded. But he was shown no mercy. Sharp nails grasped the skinny arm and broke through the skin. The little boy whined and hang in the ropes as blood trickled down his pale flesh… 'Please.'_

He woke up in sweat and tears hours later but had not much time to think it over as the door flung open and he was greeted by that always optimistic sound of restless feet entering his room.

'You just _won't _believe what happened to me this morning!' The young servant jerked open the curtains and Remus smiled. The cheery voice of his friend chased away his nightmares with one single sentence. He stretched his stressed limbs. 'No, but I'm sure you're about to tell me.'  
'Well, I was at the market, fetching you something _delicious_ for breakfast when this woman came up to me. She asked me, seriously, hear this. _If it is true you are woman!' _He snorted. 'I immediately had this bizarre vision of you in a dress so I started laughing and blurted out that I was _very _sure that I could tell her first hand you are a man. That didn't really work out as I had planned and she shot me a _weeeeird _glare! So I quickly added that I love Lilyflowers, but that didn't seem to convince her of what I meant either.' He placed a plate with breakfast at the little table near the bed and sank down on the blankets, pinching the bridge of his nose. 'I _think_ I can guess what the next rumour is going to be. ' Remus tried to take a sip of his drink but failed miserably as he still was laughing to hard. The spectacled boy hit him on the back with his free hand until Remus calmed down and started his breakfast.

A few minutes and a lot market gossip from his servant later, the young Duke had finished his meal, with indeed some delicious fresh fruit, and stretched his limbs once more before getting out of bed.  
He didn't feel like taking a bath this morning and just settled for a quick wash in between which the servant boy picked out some clothes.

'Well, we better get going, don't we?' The spectacled boy brought up, knowing the duke was deliberately postponing getting dressed, slightly anxious about the fact he was probably about to hire a Black. Perhaps he should've taken a bath.. With a deep sigh he buttoned his waistcoat and walked through the door.

He could feel his heart beating. Not really out of fright for the woman but because of curiosity about her son. He knew quite some people from his estate, but he couldn't remember ever seeing this young man, Sirius Black. A man he would probably going to see around on his land a more often. _If_ he decided to hire him.

As he set down, his other servant opened the door trough which his leaseholders could enter the safe and secured room. The little, chubby man lead a dark-haired, bossy looking woman. She seemed to completely fill the room with her air. 

The woman had the same arrogant air as she had the day before. She walked straight towards the curtain, kneeled shortly and waited to be addressed to. But the Duke almost forgot she was there when his eye got caught by, he assumed, her son. The boy had followed her in a slower pace and only now reached the curtain and kneeled, black curls falling before his eyes. There was a nonchalance about him that made the Duke feel as if he had seen the boy a hundred times before.

The distant made it hard to be sure, but Remus thought the boy would be about the same height as his best servant, slightly taller than he was. He was of a delicate build. No. delicate wasn't the right word, he was to masculine for that. But he definitely wasn't skinny either. High cheekbones, a pale skin with a slight blush. Even through a curtain the boy seemed sinfully handsome. He had a certain air about him that made Remus feel ashamed that _he_ was a duke, while this boy would do so much better on any portrait. What? Just that he could _be_ on a portrait. 

'Hum hum.' The little cough startled Remus and the servant shot him a glare. He moved his head to the left to tell him he was to say something. Remus cleared his throat and spoke.  
'Mrs. Black, young Mr. Black.' Sirius' head shot up when he was named and stared at the curtain. Then he nervously eyed his mother and returned his gaze back to the ground. Remus noticed he kept his breath. Despite the curtain it had felt as if he stared him right in the eye. There had been a look in the boy's eyes, or at least he thought he saw it, that he couldn't define. He shook his head to get himself back in order.

In a few minutes everything was settled. Sirius would stay in the castle right away. His mother kindly but firm persisted this in a way that made the servants frown and Remus very nervous. Nevertheless it was the look of disgust she threw aside to her son when she 'asked' for this favour that made him decide to do it. Even though the boy was a Black, even though he probably was as spoiled, arrogant and prejudiced as his family was, Remus thought no one was worth to be frowned upon that wa7. Especially not by their own mother.

So it came that she left, leaving an awkward moment of silence when Sirius was left behind on his own in the middle of strange room until the little fat servant ran up to him and escorted him to his new room. Remus left as well with his servant at his side, but he didn't wake up from his thoughts to discuss what had happened before he reached his room.

´What a lovely mother.´ Remus whispered. ´Indeed.' 'I hope he is a bit more kind than his mum.'  
'So do I. Otherwise we'll soon have a new boss around here.' The servant mumbled. Remus grinned.  
'That would be something..' Remus sighed. 'Imagine that's the kind of woman to go home to and say you didn't get the job. Who knows what she'd do to him! I'm glad I'm provided for life.'  
'Oh yes. I hope I'm too.'  
Remus poked the boy in his ribs.  
'Of course you are. I just hope he's such a success story as you were.  
'Thank you. Sir.'

…

The next few days he followed the young man from his window. Soon every movement, smile and facial expression was burned in mind as a book he had read over and over again.  
To an outsider it might've looked weird, but as Remus never had a chance to really meet people, this had become his way to get to know them. Still, he had to admit to himself, he had spent more time getting to know the whereabouts of this man than he had ever done before. He blamed it to the surprise Sirius was with a name like that. As well the Sirius as the Black part.

Sirius wasn't the most hardworking servant he had ever had, but he most surely was one of the most enjoyable kind. Remus soon noticed that, although he had the arrogant air and looks from his family, he was actually nothing like them. Alright, he acted more lazy and spoiled than should be expected from a servant, but he had a optimistic disposition and seemed quite kind to everyone in his way.  
His mother had been right, Sirius loved nature. But not specifically in a working matter.

He couldn't help but laugh when Sirius stretched himself out on the grass again to rest a little when the groundskeeper came running towards him to get him back to work. Sirius jumped up as if he was stung by a bee and ran towards his unfinished tasks. Still, the gardens had never looked better.  
The man worked, ploughed and planted flowers in the soft spring sun. One time Remus scurried back to his own room when Sirius had taken of his shirt, exposing a lean and slightly muscled chest. Blushing lightly Remus closed the door behind him.

Yes, Sirius was a very pleasant completion to the staff. And he clearly wasn't the only one with this opinion. About a week later, Remus had promised himself to stop staring at the gardener but failed miserably, his servant entered his chambers with dinner and a mischievous grin. He placed the plate on the table with an even bigger grin. 'What's with you?' Remus asked in a laugh. 'I am telling you, sir. That Sirius Black is _nothing_ like his family. At all.'  
Remus was just about to ask for details when a deafening scream rushed through the castle. 'Spiders! Help! Spiders in my room!' The poor maid was screaming as if her life depended from it. The servant now grinned out loud. 'Your achievement?' Remus informed with what was supposed to be disapproving look. 'Actually, this was the young Mister Black's work.' He smiled widely. 'But I _might_'ve slipped the idea in his mind. I better go comfort that poor girl.' He added with a made-serious face.  
He quickly left and Remus smiled when the door closed behind him. 'Oh dear James.' He sighed. 'Have you finally found your mischievous equal?'

…

It was dawn. Remus had had his dinner accompanied by no more shouting about spiders but about James and if he couldn't just leave the poor maid alone for once. From his window he let his eyes wander over the grounds. Everything was a perfect shade of blue. His eye got caught by a silhouette strolling over the grass. It was Sirius. His lips curled in a smiled. Apparently he liked to take a walk at this hour. With his hands in his pockets, the young man kicked around some pebbles and stared at the starry sky. It was serene. It was a beautiful, peaceful sight.

The duke frowned when another silhouette emerged from the shadows, slowly approaching the man. Was Sirius meeting some one at this hour? But the dark-haired boy didn't seem to acknowledge the man's (Remus assumed for his broad chest) presence nor seemed to be waiting for anyone. There was probably a cracking branch or something, as Sirius turned around swiftly, eying the other man. For a moment it seemed like Sirius was walking towards the man in recognition. Then he froze in his movement for a second and slowly backed away. Remus could feel his panic in his own body. Something was wrong here. He had seen something like this before.. But where?

The man moved forwards to the other boy and there was something in his movement that was very familiar to Remus. Like some long lost memory.. He leaned closer to the windows in an attempt to get a better view of the intruder when it happened. A fist hit the young man's face hard and his body hit the ground.

'James!' Remus shouted, his eyes still stuck on the ground as the man bended over the motionless body.

'_JAMES_!'

**I'm sorry it took me so long to update, I had a very hard time, as said before, to decide what to happen in this chapter…** Promise the next one will come up sooner! Promise promise promise.


	3. Memories Unlocked

**Sirius****.**_Yes, those of you who read the previous version will recognise this chapter and will realise that from now all, there will only come more and new information! I know Remus was younger in the previous version but I hope you will understand the change later. Even if you don't like the reason. Just like me. I hated it. But it was stronger than me._

Thanks for all your adds and reviews. Two votes for a top Sirius already.. Hm… Let's just pray he'll live first!

_Thank you for the reviews, and of course as much love as ever for my beta _

...

James hadn't gone far yet, after picking up the empty dinner plates, when there was a loud crash of porcelain, and he ran back into the room. Remus had dragged him towards the window and pointed out the man who was now kicking Sirius in his ribs. He was in no state to be speaking.  
Never before had Remus seen James run this fast, only to come to a halt by the demand that Sirius was to be brought to one of the guestrooms.

'But sir!' He began but was interrupted by a very persistent Duke. And so he continued his way down.

Remus hurried towards the particular guestroom, from which he had a better view of what was happening outside. He saw James and Peter drag an unconscious Sirius into the castle. It wouldn't take them long before they would be bringing him up. And this wasn't the place for Remus to be at this went back to his own room. Hiding in his own home. Even after all those years, it sometimes felt ridiculous. If he hadn't known the reason, he surely wouldn't have survived.

As said, he was hiding from whoever would come bring up Sirius; who wasn't James, Peter or his doctor. Someone who might ask questions he couldn't answer. He hated to lie, even if truth hadn't been an option for ages. From this window he could only stare at the grounds; where everything was back to normal now, almost, for there still seemed to be something on the grass. That same memory... _Remus_ss…

His eye got caught by his hands, leaning on the windowsill.

Empty hands.

'God!' He cursed. His hands hadn't been empty at the time he had seen Sirius getting dragged into the castle. They had been holding his notebook. A book that was secret, even to Peter and James.

It was filled with his observations of the grounds, things he heard in the castle, things James told him. All things he'd have to know as a Duke, if anyone were ever to ask about them. On those rare occasions he had to face his tenant. Or the curtains behind which his tenants were standing, more like it. But more recently, they were filled with observations and little drawings of a certain gardener, who would soon be transferred to the very room he had left. And no one, no, no, no one could ever find it.

As silently as possible he opened his door, facing an empty corridor. He sighed. Good. They were probably still patching the boy up. He tiptoed through the corridor, the door feeling too far away in a situation like this, but everything surrounding him remained quiet. He slowly got back to his relaxed state of mind and placed his hand on the door handle.

Of course, that was exactly the moment it went wrong. Voices, too loud for him not to have noticed before, rose up the stairs towards where he was standing. If there had been time to think, the decision he made would have been more sensible, more according to his usual brightness. But there was no time to get back to his room, so he opened the door and ran into the guestroom. In a smooth move he never had thought himself capable of; he grasped the notebook off the table by the window and slid under the bed. Under the bed. Oh yes. The Duke of Hogwarts was hiding _under the bed_. He rolled his eyes at himself. He was very, very disappointed in his own resolving powers at this moment.

Nevertheless, he was just in time. Feet entered the bedroom, carrying a stretcher, no doubt with the hurt boy. Feet he recognized as James' right away were lingering a while in the doorway. God. He could just hear James wondering why the door was open, when Peter closed it on his way into the room.

The bed above him squeaked as the boy on it moaned from the pressure of his own weight against the mattress. He buried his face in his hands to cover his breath. This was probably the closest he'd ever gotten to anyone new in years. Weird.

James and Peter left. Only the doctor stayed behind to see if Sirius had made it up well. Remus snorted as silently as he could. Smooth moves for nothing. He could've known James would've been smart enough to bring no other strangers than Sirius up. Something was very wrong with his intellect lately. Not that he would come out from under the bed now. It was just too embarrassing to have to admit this was his safety plan. _Under a bed!_

But as soon as the doctor left and he made sure the boy was fast asleep, he carefully crawled from underneath, dusting himself off from the dirt underneath the bed. He had to tell the maid to clean under the guest bed.

His notebook in his hand, ready to leave the room, a weird feeling creeped up on him. They were in the same room now. The boy was sleeping. Couldn't he just… Observe a little?

Unable to resist to his own weird longing, he turned around to face the dark haired boy. He wished to compare the features he had surveyed from such a distance. His movements, even though the boy was now asleep. But when his eyes met the boy in the bed, he had to grasp the rim of the bed to keep him up as his knees gave in. Sirius wasn't in the bed.

Instead there was a young boy with sandy hair. No more than 13 years old. Pale as if he was already dead. A boy he recognized all too well. It felt as it he had lost total control over his breath, air sucked out of his lungs. All of a sudden he felt cold and his stomach made torturous twists.

_The little boy was so quiet. His skin so pale as if he was a __sculpture made of the most fragile ice. The only thing that gave away he was a real human being were his pillow and blankets, completely soaked in blood._

_His body was wrap__ped in an improvised bandage that failed to stop the bleeding. All that showed he wasn't dead yet was the fragile chest, slowly moving up and down. He made no sound._

_One of his pale __hands was held by a woman, kneeling beside the bed._ _She was crying for her child.  
_  
'_Please don't leave me. Oh dear god, what happened to you.'_

Her tears broke his heart. A mother crying for the life of her child.

_Forcing himself to let go of the bed, he moved to the opposite side of the woman and __kneeled. She pressed the young hand against her check, her tears rolling down his frail fingers._

His mouth was trembling. Her sadness made him cry. He knew the woman. He knew her so well, even though he hadn't seen her for years. Oh, how he could remember her soft smell, her smile, the warmth of her hands.

_H__ands that were now holding the child. His gaze wondered to the boy. His eyes were closed, sunlight playing with his light lashes. A cute little pointy nose, which would from now on be marked by a scar. A memory of all the pain. _

_He stretched out his hand and let a finger wander the delicate trail of the small jaw.__ The door slammed open. It startled Remus and he jumped back up._

_The doctor came in, followed by a tall man. He had the same sandy hair as the child. The exact same brown shade of eyes,__ something you would've noticed if the boy had been more alive. He was dressed in beautiful red. Which would've looked great on him, on any other day. Right now, it only seemed terribly inappropriate. _

_As the doctor started to unwrap the bandages, the boy moaned heartbreaking__ly._

_The tall man placed his hand on the young maid's shoulder._ '_It will be alright.' But his voice told that he wasn't too sure about this himself. The young woman stood and pressed herself against the wealthy man's chest._

'_Oh__ John.' _

Remus sank back to his knees. No one seemed to notice he was there. That he saw it all. That he could feel it all. Something he hadn't seen for years.

_They left, all of them. Leaving the little boy alone, taken care of in a bed with clean sheets. The doctor seemed to have made the bleeding stop a little.__ He could hear voices whispering in the hallway._

'_I__ don't know if he will make it.' _

_The woman crying, the man trying to comfort her.__ He stretched out his hand to stroke the little boy's face. As if he hoped it would make any difference to the state of his health. He stroked the soft skin; the right side still unharmed. He carefully touched the bandage on the left side, behind which a huge scar was forming. His other hand touched his own cheek. Scars._

His hand moved up to stroke the little boy's hair. But what he touched wasn't the young, silky hair of a child. His fingers caressed dark curls, thick and mature. The little boy was gone. No voices in the hallway. No in blood soaked sheets on the ground, waiting for the maid to pick them up.

Remus broke into tears. The young man was still fast asleep. He buried his face in the blankets and cried his heart out. A pain in his heart of long lost memories. A story he couldn't remember, as if he had stumbled upon it in the end.

_Why…_

_.._

_Well.. you didn't have to wait _that_ long this time, right? I know there wasn't much new in this version, but from now on there will be more and more and more information.. And then all the answers will come. Promise! _


	4. Delirious

**Chapter** Meeting

_**Chapter 4. What to say about it. It's glue! By that I don't mean it's the most brilliant chapter, just that it glues the previous and the next chapters together ;)**_

I'm counting about 9 or 10 more chapters…Sorry if that bothers you, but I really think I need it to come to the plot.. I hope you will love it as much as I do. I know it's not as brilliant as 'Making love to your pillow' but hey, we can at least **try**_** to break that review record, right? RIGHT? We're doing fine on the alerts so far, so thanks for that!**_

… _**  
**_  
_There was a child playing on the grounds. A boy, no more than 13 years old, his fingers picking little flowers. There was laughter by the stables and he lifted his head, his eyes following a girl with bright red hair running from a taller man. The boy grinned and returned to the flowers._

He couldn't remember when dawn had began. It was a warm summer night and his fingers had turned the little flowers into a tiara. He rose to his feet and walked towards the castle. It was a gift for his mother. He noticed how quiet it was and liked it. In a castle, especially with children around, it was hardly ever quiet. No birds, no bees. Nothing. A branch cracked somewhere behind him and the boy turned around, eyes squeezing to define the silhouette behind the trees. Broad shoulders and an awful smell..  


'Could you bring me some water?' The voice was barely more than a whisper, but it was clearly there.  
Remus shot up and realised he was still on his knees, head resting on the side of a bed. He had dozed of in one of his nightmares again. A particular clear one this time. Broad shoulders.. Where had he seen them before? It was all one frustrating blur, it was so close to the surface, why couldn't he connect the pieces? He growled under his breath.

'Please, water.' The voice woke him up from his thoughts once more. He was stunned for just a second, the voice recurring itself in his mind over and over again. Wrong as the thought was, at that moment he was sure it was the most beautiful thing he had ever heard. He turned around, facing a shade of gray that peaked from underneath dark lashes. His hands trembled as they took a cup from the plate Peter had left behind together with a jug of water in case the boy would wake up.

'There you go.' He brought the cup to the boy's chapped lips, who carefully took a sip. Then his gaze wandered into the golden eyes and he tried to focus. 'Your voice..' But the boy dozed off, leaving a surprised Remus standing there. Had he recognised his voice? He remembered how the boy's head had shot up when the Duke had spoken out his name. It wasn't _such_ an unusual sound, was it? Unintended his hand touched his throat as if he was to find an answer there. He lingered near the bed for a little while, his gaze examining the boy's features as if he was an interesting artefact. Which he could've been for that matter, because for what Remus could see, he was _perfect_. Without a curtain or a distance separating them, his mind was eager to suck up every tiny detail in his mind. And he did. He had to press his hands between him and the bed to hold himself from brushing a curl out of the boy's face or to follow the bone structure that gave him such a faultless presence.

This was just absurd. He had to go. When he was to leave a hand grasped his wrist and it startled him.  
In a flash the room around him turned into a damp forest, an awful smell filling up his nose.

_There was a tight grasp around his wrist and a strong arm dragged him into the woods. He clawed at the hand to let him go but it was no use._

His heart was beating mad when the room returned to a normal room again. What was happening to him? Remus pulled his hand from the grip and stepped back, panting. He stared at the hand and the boy attached to it. The eyes were half open again but he didn't seem to be wide awake. 'Please come say words to me later. I want your voice..' And he fell back into his pillow, murmuring unclear words.

…

Later that night, when James brought him his dinner, he carefully informed to the condition of the boy.

James shrugged. 'I visited him before dinner, he was conscious. Do you know whether anyone visited him?' Remus' head shot up and found James' hazel eyes questioning him. 'Why?' He asked in a voice he hoped wasn't too suspicious. 'Well, he said something about a servant that was there when he woke up. That he poured him a glass of water.' James frowned. 'It wasn't me or Peter though, so I thought it was just a dream. But there was some water in a glass.' Then the servant shrugged. 'Well, he probably did it himself. Delirious dreams from his injuries, maybe?' Remus nodded in relieve. He hadn't noticed how he had held his breath when James spoke out his worries. 'Delirious dreams, yes.' He said.

…

It was an odd realisation. Lying in his bed alone, staring at the ceiling, he decided that it was not the last time. He wasn't sure whether his dreams and visions were trying to tell him something, but he shook that thought away. What could they possibly have to do with the boy? He had been a mere child back than himself. It was just a coincidence they had occurred when he had touched him. No doubt.  
He tugged the blankets closer around him in an attempt to chase away the confusing feelings.  
It was no use. He _had_ to see the gardener again. It was weird, it was obsessive, but he didn't care. Sirius had been in a delirious state but somehow Remus felt obligated to do him the favour of talking to him again.

That night there was no time for nightmares as his mind worked the plan over and over again, making sure it was infallible. At least 'till he figured out a better way.


	5. Author's Note

My dear and beloved readers.

School is given me a sh*tload of stress at the moment. So much, actually, that even our most adorable pups can't seem to lift up my spirit. Reading nor writing it.

Just so you know, I haven't forgotten about our pups nor you, I just can't find the time and energy to complete it. Not right now. Nevertheless, I hope that within a month I can give you all the remaining chapters you've been waiting for.

Lots of love,

Beatlebug


	6. Neil Rumpus

_You're not making this much easier for me! After declaring that I'm not going to write for at least another month, 5 people add this story as a favourite or an alert. How can I not write when people seem to appreciate it? You kill me!_

_So, I gathered all my puppyspirit and wrote ONE more chapter before really really taking a break!_

_I didn't even take the time t o contact my beloved beta about it, sorry about that.  
I hope you enjoy it and please review, it lifts my school—stressed spirit up so much _

…

He buttoned up his shirt and rolled up his sleeves. This way it was less easy to see the clothes were actually a few sizes too small. It was a good thing he was just a skinny lad. He shook his legs a bit in an attempt to make the trousers a bit more comfortable and succeeded. With a deep breath he opened the door and strolled down the corridor.

The plan he had made the night before ran over and over in his head again and again. Usually he would've written it down somewhere. This time he was just too careful. No one could find out what he was planning to do. Risking all his servants were protecting him from. But he couldn't care less.

Well actually, he could. In fact, he was drop dead nervous it would all turn out to be a big mistake. But his curiosity towards the dark-haired boy was so much stronger. How much of a Black he really was. How much of the friend James was so fond about he really was. As he hadn't had a chance to make new friends in years, it stung when James spoke so fondly of Sirius and somehow he wanted to know what that felt like, a new friendship. And besides all that, whether is was a coincidence or not that his memories had gone stronger from the moment he had first laid eyes on the boy. 

Sirius was awake when he carefully opened the door. More or less. His eyes were still a bit blurry, but he smiled when he saw Remus enter the room. There were no plates in sight, which made him guess he had already had his breakfast and James wouldn't come visit him anytime soon now. Unless that boy suddenly had become a very lazy servant who abandoned his tasks for the sake of a friend's health. Which of course was good, but not what he was paid for.

'Can I help you?' The boy asked in a friendly yet curious tone, waking Remus up from his thoughts.

This was it. The moment he had been waiting and hoping for since the first time he had laid eyes on the boy. And here it was. The grey eyes were looking at him in wonder. His mouth had opened and the words spoken had been directed towards him, Remus, in full awareness.

Remus coughed and spoke his well-rehearsed answer. 'I've come here in order of the Duke, to see how you are doing.' Sirius frowned and eyes the young man in front of him. 'Your voice..'

Remus' heart skipped a beat.

'_Mrs. Black, young Mr. Black.' Sirius' head shot up when he was named and stared at the curtain. Then he nervously eyed his mother and returned his gaze back to the ground. Remus noticed he kept his breath. Despite the curtain it had felt as if he stared him right in the eye. There had been a look in the boy's eyes, or at least he thought he saw it, that he couldn't define. He shook his head to get himself back in order._

In a flash he saw how Sirius had reacted the first time Remus has spoken. He got cold inside. What if his voice would give away his true identity? What if Sirius had recognized it, and that he asked him to return to discover who he really was? Why hadn't he thought about that?

But Sirius just smiled kindly. 'You are the servant who gave me a cup of water last night. I recognise your voice.' Remus tried to smile in return but it felt more like a weak tremble of his lips.

'You asked me to.' He answered.  
Sirius nodded. 'I did.' 'Why?' Curiosity took over. Sirius shrugged. 'I don't know. Your voice tells me you are a kind person. It has something familiar.. ' He frowned. Then he grinned. 'Of course it sounds familiar. You spoke to me online yesterday. You must forgive my beaten up mind. It doesn't remember as much as it should.'  
A relief came over Remus. There didn't seem to be any doubt in Sirius' logic. He was convinced the only time he had heard the voice before was when he had given him the water. Safe passage so far.

'James didn't believe me when I spoke of you, though.' He continued. 'That's why I was starting to wondering whether you were just an imagination. But the second you spoke back there I knew it was you. See, I have to tell James.'

Remus could feel the blood rush to his face. Step two.

'You are not to speak to anyone about me.' Sirius raised his eyebrow. 'Why? Are you some well hidden secret?' 

_Yes, I am. I am the Duke no one has ever seen. The man who you work for. __The one whose identity is the biggest secret of this county. The reason families throughout the entire country were disappointed of his existence. The man whom a lot of you love but who is also hated by several families. _

It was so tempting to just say it. The words where in his mouth, right there, to be said and for once and for all get rid of lies and secrets. But of course, he couldn't. He wouldn't.

It felt terrible to lie. Yet, he couldn't help but do so. Not if he wanted his weird little plan to succeed

'I am the Duke's most personal servant and he asked me to take care of you. No one is to know that I am here for you, for they may use the situation to come closer to the duke through me.' Remus swallowed and straightened his back. 'He just wants to make sure you are okay and that is why he sent me to check upon you every now and then and see if everything is as you wish.'

Sirius smiled. 'I'm not a guest! I'm just the gardener who got his ass kicked. That duke is really too kind for his own good.' Remus didn't know whether to smile or to frown and his face did a bit of both.

'Still. Thank him for me. And if he feels like no one should know about you. Fine. Not even James? Don't they know you exist?'

'They do.' Remus answered. 'They know who I am. The duke just doesn't want them to know he is meddling with your welfare more than he should be. He is shocked that something like this could happen on his estate and wants to do everything in his power to make sure you get well as soon as possible.'

Well. That wasn't a complete lie. And somehow it seemed to be satisfying enough of an answer to please Sirius.

Sirius grinned. 'It must be my rugged good looks. Perhaps he has a thing for me.' He wiggled his eyebrows in such a way that the young duke couldn't help but laugh. A part inside of him was blushing as mad though. This was a clever boy. He let his eyes rest on the dark curled head that was now staring out of the window absent-minded. A very clever boy. He had to be careful.

'So, how am I going to refer to you? 'Most personal servant of the duke' is a bit too much if I want to ask you something, don't you think?' Remus blushed on the outside as well now. 'Referring?' He stuttered. 'Yes..' Sirius slowly answered. 'Perhaps it's just a crazy habit of mine, but I usually think it comes quite in handy to be able to call some one by name if you need their attention. Unless you prefer me to whistle or snap my fingers.'

'No, calling me by name is good.' Remus answered hastily. There was a moment of silence in which Sirius grinned and raised his eyebrows. 'In that case, I still need your name…'

What was wrong with him? Remus was close to hitting himself in his face. What the hell was wrong with him. Had he left his brains under the bed? Had he accidently smacked them out of his head while getting rid of the dust in his hair? His name..

He had every worked out so perfectly, but he completely forget a name. His wasn't a very common one so he couldn't use it. His mind was working at topspeed. Why could he only come up with famous names and people in the castle? Sirius would work out that wasn't correct in a minute. God..

'Neil.' Remus answered slowly. 'Neil Rumpus.'

Sirius smiled and reached out his hand. 'Nice to finally meet you properly, Neil Rumpus.'

…

Well.. Just a little one. Neil Rumpus. What a name.

I hope you have a little bag of patience somewhere to wait for the rest of the story. I really really promise promise promise I won't forget about it and I will finish this story until I am completely satisfied with the result.


	7. Soaking in Sweat

**Chapter:****6****The****entire****nightmare**

**PLEASE READ ALL OF THIS**

**It's been a while, I know. I've been very busy with a lot of stuff. But since I've been ill for about a week now and spent a lot of time in bed, I decided to make up with my laptop and start writing again. This part hasn't been betas-ed yet so I could update a little. The rest is almost done ánd will hopefully be beta-ed soon so I can update rapidly in the future!**

**I hope with I give you prove I haven't abandoned you nor this story.**

_**Warning:**__This __is __not __an __amusing __chapter. __There __will __be __implied __rape __and __clear __physical __abuse __of __a __youngster._ _I __know __Remus __is __actually __supposed __to __be __younger __in __this __situation , __but __I __just __al most __cried __when __I __tried __to __write __it __about __a __child __and __so __I __changed __the __entire __story __around __it__. __I __promise __I __will __make __up __for __it __later __but __I __somehow __felt __it __should __be __part __of __the __story. __I __hope __you __will __understand __later. __Yes,__this __is __the __part __I __was __talking __about __in __chapter __3. __Sorry. __Sorry__sorry__sorry._**  
**

…**.**

A few days had passed since his first deliberate encounter with Sirius.  
James had given up his search for the missing clothes and kept telling himself it had to be the maid who had taken them. Remus, however, knew perfectly well where they were as he spent at least a few minutes each day in them.

He would visit Sirius in them as they talked about the weather and the country. Remus would laugh at Sirius' jokes and Sirius would sigh and roll his eyes as Remus, or Neil, made him promise not to tell anyone about him once more. They had fun. Sirius was indeed nothing like the Blacks and Remus couldn't believe for the first time in his life he actually made a friend on his own.  
The visits were never long for it would be suspicious if he, the Duke, would be gone for too long. For where could he possibly go? Besides that Sirius was still very hurt and would most of the time fall asleep after his visits. Sometimes Remus would stay a little longer to stroke the boy's hair as he slept.

It was perfect and even though Remus realised he felt things he probably shouldn't, these were the best days he had had in years.

But as in every book, tale or myth, there was a dark side to his wonderful days. Even though his days got brighter and brighter, his nights got darker. It was like a black wind coming closer, wrenching trees from the grounds, releasing roots that should never be released.

He knew it was impossible it had anything to do with Sirius but still, since he had arrived at the castle nightmares from his childhood had returned, more clear and terrifying than ever. Nightmares, resembling memories of a long forgotten night. The night that had resulted in to a body full of disgusting scars and a head full of repressed memories. Sometimes when he touched or just saw the boy a flash would light up, giving him a strange vision of something he was sure he had witnessed before. But it were the nights, awful, dark and cold, in which more then he could remember at daytime revealed itself, leaving him frightened and out of breath.

….

_There __was __a __child __playing __on __the __grounds . __A __boy, __no __more __than __13 __years __old, __his __fingers __picking __little __flowers. __There __was __laughter __by __the __stables __and __he __lifted __his __head, __his __eyes __following __a __girl __with __bright __red __hair __running __from __a __taller __man. __The __boy __grinned __and __returned __to __the __flowers._

He _couldn__'__t __remember __when __dawn __had __began. __It __was __a __warm __summer__night __and __his __fingers __had __turned __the __little __flowers __into __a __tiara. __He __rose __to __his __feet __and __walked __towards __the __castle. __It __was __a __gift __for __his __mother. __He __noticed __how __quiet __it __was __and __he __liked __it. __In __a __castle , __especially __with __children __around, __it __was __hardly __ever __quiet. __No __birds, __no __bees. __Nothing. __A __branch __cracked __somewhere __behind __him __and __the __boy __turned __around, __eyes __squeezing __to __define __the __silhouette __behind __the __trees. __Broad __shoulders __and __an __awful __smell..  
_

…_._

_There was a tight grasp around his wrist and a strong arm dragged him into the woods. He clawed at the hand to let him go but it was no use. 'Please.' He begged. 'Don't hurt me.' Deep in the woods where he knew no one could ever here him scream, he was tied to a tree. With a torturing calmness the man started to unbutton the young boy's clothes and took them off. _

_When __he __was __completely __naked __and __shivering , __despite __the __warm __summer __air , __the __man __untied __him. __  
The __boy __was __to __scared __to __run. __The __man __ruffled __the __sandy __hair. __'__You__'__re __mine __now, __you __know. __I__'__m __supposed __to __kill __you. __But __I __like __playing __with __my __food .__You__'__re __my __little __prey __and __I __can __do __with __you __whatever__I __want.__'_

He _turned the young one around and sank his teeth in the fragile neck. 'So young. So fresh.' He murmured. A hand followed a trail from the blood in his neck down the shaking back until it found soft flesh. The fingers kneaded it until it was hurt and bruised._

The _man __did __terrible __things __to __the __young __boy. __The __rude __arm __was __curled __around __his __waist __and __pushed __the __young __flesh __against __his __own. __The __boy __cried __and __screamed __for __help __but __there __was __nothing __but __pain. __He s__truggled __to __save __his __naked __skin __but __the __man __was __too __strong. __The __man __pulled __his __head __back __and __laughed __out __loud __at __the __tears __they __found.  
__  
Sometimes __he __let __the __boy __slip __out __of __his __grasp __just __to __capture __him __again __a __few __seconds __later._

_'__You __don__'__t __really __think __I__'__m __letting __you __go, __do __you?__' __He __grinned, __revealing __fowl __teeth __and __stroking __rough __fingers __agains__t the __soft __cheeks..__ '__You __are __such __a __cute __little __play__t hing.__' __A __dirty __hand __closed __around __the __boy__'__s __throat, __holding __a __strong __grip. __He __struggled __and __tried __to __kick __the __man. __In __one __attempt __he __succeeded __and __hit __the __man __hard __between __his __legs.__ '__Oh,__that__'__s __not __very __nice.__' __The __man __grunted.__ '__You __should __be __punished __for __behaviour __like __that.__' __He __turned __the __boy __around __and __pressed __his __chest __to __a __large __tree. __With __a __piece __of __rope __he __tied __him __tight __against __the __bark __and __took __a __step __back. __The __young __boy __was __shivering __and __clenched __his __eyes __shut, __afraid __of __what __pain __was __next __to __come. __There __was __a __crackling __sound __in __the __air __and __the __boy __cried __deafening __when __something __hit __his __back._

_'__This __is __a __little __gift __for __your __father.__' __Many __more __strokes __followed __until __the __boys __hang __in __the __ropes, __nearly __unconscious. __His __eyes __tried __to __focus __on __a __trampled __tiara __of __hurt __flowers. __Gift.._

It _felt __like __it __had __gone __on __for __hours __and __hours. __The __ropes __were __released __but __the __young __boy__'__s __limps __had __gone __numb __and __he __collapsed __on __the __ground. __The __man __kicked __him __softly __with __his __feet __and __lifted __his __chin __to __look __at __the __boy__'__s __face.__ '__I __think __my __work __here __is __done.__' __A __big __orb __was __shining __on __him __trough __the __leaves __and __branches. __A __bright, __full __moon._

Remus woke up soaking in sweat. His breathing was heavy and unsteady. He looked around him and could hardly believe he was safe. That it had only been a dream. He clutched the blankets, hurting his hands. He felt dizzy and nauseated.

Unless other times he had had this dream, he didn't seem to calm down. He threw the blankets of him and stumbled towards the bell connected to James' room. His legs could hardly drag him along but he had to. He rang and rang. Harder than he had ever done before. The bells were to be heard through the entire castle. There was stumbling and no doubt confused, eventhough he couldn't here them from up here.

Then he sank on the floor. There was blood streaming down his chest, probably where he had cut himself, trying to wake up from his nightmare. His heart was beating as mad and he felt like he was looking conscious any minute.

Within a few seconds the door slammed open, a confused James running in. His hair more rumpled than usual and a worried look on his face. It took him a while to realise the Duke wasn't in his bed and a few moments more to find him, sitting against the wall, pale as a blanket.

'What happened?' He asked when he saw Remus leaning against the wall in utter panic. 'I-I dreamed..' Remus began but tears took over. He cried so hard it hurt. James closed his arms around him and held tight to the shaking body. 'Everything is alright now. It was just a dream.' He could feel the duke's legs give in and tightened his hug. One of his hands caressed the back of the man's head as his cries were muffled against his shoulder. Tears streamed down from below the dark-haired servant's glasses. 'It is all right. You are safe here.'

There was a glance of sorry in his eyes that held more than just a nightmare.

**I'm sorry.. It's a terribly sad chapter, I know. I just felt I owed you a bit of history on the duke. Here it is.. Please let me know what you are still wondering about or what you think/hope will happen. If I can't add it to the story, at least I can try to make the next chapters as satisfying as possible. **

**Reviews are more than welcome so I'll know what you are eager to know!**


	8. Suspecting Sirius

When Remus woke up in the morning he noticed he was still held by James on the same floor he'd collapsed on the night before. He sighed. Apparently a hard floor kept him from having nightmares the rest of the night.

He winced when he tried to move, hurt form the cold and hard stone. He carefully freed himself from the man's arms. That made him notice how cold his room was even more.

James made a weird, grunting noise in his sleep, his glasses halfway down his nose. His eyes were red and swollen, as if he had cried himself asleep.

That was so unlike James that Remus stared at it for a few seconds. Had he been that upset last night, that it had made James cry? Slowly more of his nightmare returned and he felt sick.

As fast as he could he dragged himself to the bed to sit a bit more comfortable. His legs were shaking and barely able to keep him standing. Somehow he felt like he couldn't see straight but yet nothing had seemed more clear in his life before. He felt as if a puzzle completed before him but he couldn't turn his head in to the right direction to face him. Answers were in front of him but he failed to see.

In his panic he forgot to wake up James and offer him a more comfortable place as well. He needed some peace and quiet to sort out his memories first.

This dream.. Had it really been a dream? It seemed like something he had witnessed but somehow couldn't remember. It was horrible… He could feel the blood drain from his face as flashes of the nightmare appeared in front of his eyes. It made him feel sick. He didn't want to think about it but yet it woken up a curiosity. All the pieces of weird memory flashes seemed to fall in place.

The girl. The boy in the bed. The horrible smell. The broad shoulders and the silhouette that had hurt Sirius.

But of course that could've been a play of his mind. A way to fill in missing pieces of his memory by putting in things he'd seen recently. If it even were memories.

He buried his head in his hands. God. Was he going crazy? He ruffled his own hair in a movement of frustration. That vision of the maid kneeling beside a young boy that had clearly been him. Hurt and so close to dying..

His fingers touched his scarred face unknowing. Of course he knew something had happened. He wasn't born this way. But it had been so many years ago and he had no memories of the moment causing it. In the very beginning he had asked his mother but she would mumble something about an accident. Even though he was just a young boy, he had noticed those questions upset her and he decided not to ask anymore.

After a while he just accepted the fact that he was the way he was. A bit naive, perhaps. But it didn't seem to hurt him not to know the facts. After that, no one had spoken to him about it and he decided to let it rest. Besides, he wasn't exactly keen about his unpleasant appearance presence himself either. Why make it a daily topic of discussion.

Then of course the weird visions started. Why he decided not to pay too much attention at them before was now a complete riddle to him. Had he been so caught up by the appearances of the gardener that he had just forgotten them before he could think about them properly?

Well, no. Hadn't it crossed his mind several time that it had only started since Sirius had been on the castle? Of course that could've been a coincidence. But was if it wasn't?

What if it hadn't been a dream? What if that man that tried to kill Sirius and the one in his dream were really the same person and guilty for both incidents?

A murmuring sound made him face the wall. James had slipped down to the floor and continued sleeping. James was the same age he was. He had been in the castle as long as he had. If some one would know it would be him. But a part of him was scared to know the truth.

And how would ever tell James that he thought Sirius was responsible for these weird.. things.

He would laugh and say he was being ridiculous. Sirius wasn't a wizard that could just cast some weird spell on him. Or would he get angry that he just accused Sirius for being a Black. Or would he tell him the truth..

No. He wasn't going to tell James just yet. Not before he had more proof of his accusations. Besides, if James had known about Sirius and the possibility of causing this he would've stopped him hiring, wouldn't he?

There was only one thing left to do. He had to force more of these memories. Dreams or visions. Whatever they were. He had to be sure first they were caused by Sirius.

No more being astonished by his beauty or charms.

This was getting Sirius.

No, Serious.

Damn it.


	9. Not Supposed to Happen

**I know I know, I'v e been neglecting you terribly! But I haven't forgotten about this.  
I'll finish it, promise! Just give me some reviews in return so I know what you guys expect ;)**

They were staring at the grounds. Sirius and Remus hadn't exchanged any words so far.  
From the corner of his eye Sirius observed the young man beside him.  
He had a strange, pale colour, even more than normal and his usual kind and friendly  
face was grim and pained. He felt obligated to make the boy smile again.

'The moon hit you?' He tried to joke but his eyes were met by two frightened, golden orbs.  
'What do you mean.' The voice was a tensed whisper. Sirius frowned. 'I just..  
You look so bad and it was full moon night last night..' He sighed. 'It was just a joke. Never mind.'  
He turned to the window.  
Remus cringed. He didn't mean to sound so harsh. The question just startled him.  
No doubt the moon had been just a coincidence. His thoughts and nightmare of last night just hadn't  
made it easier to be around Sirius again, no matter how much he adored being around the sophisticated, cheerful young servant.

It was as if a cloud lingered over them as they watched the field that had been a part of his most recent nightmare.  
A part of him blamed Sirius for his nightmare. Another part blamed him for blaming Sirius for he had absolutely no grounded reason to.

'It would be so awesome to run around that field as a dog.' Remus raised his eyebrows and stared at the dark-haired boy.  
'Don't you think? I'd love to be a dog. First, I'd unearth all the rosebushes.'

He pointed at the bushes at the left side of the field. They were the gardener's pride and he had given Sirius  
a particular hard time when he had accidently trampled one in an attempt not to trip over the spade. Remus  
had witnessed the unfortunate yet very funny event from this particular window.  
Sirius, of course, had no idea. A small smile curled around his lips.

'And then I'd burry my bone under _that_ tree.' He pointed at a group of trees on the right side.  
'For the beautiful memory of flooring James for the first time.'  
Remus chuckled and softly bumped the other boy in the ribs with his elbow. He had to give it to him. Even when suspecting him,  
the boy could still make him laugh.

But Sirius moved and winced. 'Are you still hurt?' Remus spoke in a concerned voice. 'Just some bruises.'  
Sirius tried to smile but he was clearly in pain. 'Let me see.' Remus moved towards Sirius.

There was a curiosity about what had happened that night that hadn't been satisfied so far.  
Sirius hesitated but didn't prevent the lean fingers from lifting the hem of his shirt.

Carefully he lifted the piece of clothing until the entire right side of Sirius was shown, making Remus gasp in shock.  
There weren't just a few bruises. His right side was completely discoloured and swollen and he noticed how irregular the boy was breathing.

_A branch cracked somewhere behind him and the boy turned around, eyes squeezing to define the silhouette behind the trees.  
Broad shoulders and an awful smell..  
_  
He shook his head. This was ridiculous. Nightmares were nightmares and they had to stop haunting him at daytime.  
Besides, Sirius was seriously injured. Remus accusations made place for worries.  
'You shouldn't even be out of bed!' He demanded. 'Get your shirt offs and lie down at once!'

He pointed forcing towards the bed. Sirius chuckled. 'Yes sir.' He didn't notice how it made Remus flinch.  
To the latter's surprise, Sirius took of his shirt and pulled the duke's arm to follow him towards the bed.  
'What are you doing?' He murmured in a questioning voice. 'If I can't look outside, you can't either. That's not fair!'  
The soft, slightly tinted skin pulled him along. He couldn't take his eyes of it.  
How the blue and black softly turned into that perfect silk skin. A very uncomfortable feeling rose in his already too tiny trousers.

Remus tried to rescue himself out of the situation, but it was no use. His heart was beating in his throat.  
'At least let me take care of you.' 'Nah, I'm fine.' 'No, you are not! You will lay down immediately and I'll get some water to cool down your bruises.'  
Sirius smirked. 'What an attitude! You wouldn't do bad as a duke, you know!' Remus couldn't help but smile.  
It wasn't because of what he had said but because of the mischief and cheekiness in the boy's voice.  
He sank down on the side of the bed to make sure Sirius wouldn't get out.

'I'm glad I got you smiling.' Remus turned a bit to face the source of the voice.  
Sirius had his hands under his heads and his eyes closed, a satisfied smile on his lips. He was gorgeous. _Irresistible._  
'You looked so sad when you came in. Of course you are a bit more serious then James and I are, but this was so.. Unlike you.'  
_Beautiful. So beautiful._ He moved a bit closer to the handsome young man. He had to observe him.  
Fill his mind with the tiniest details in case something would happen and he would never to get to see the boy again.  
The soft smell of soap and something very masculine filled his nose. A few tiny freckles on his nose, almost invisible.  
Black lashes, shining in the sunlight. And that perfect smooth skin, covering aristocratic cheekbones and a  
beautiful jaw which he had trouble with not to stroke with his fingers.

This man was pure sophistication.

As the boy continued speaking, he could feel the soft air of his breath stroking his cheeks. 'I'm glad I got you smiling.'  
And with that Sirius opened his eyes, a shocked look in his face for finding Remus so close.  
The latter backed off as quick as he could, grasping the blankets to keep himself from tumbling off the bed.  
They were both in shock but somehow their eyes were still fixed on each other.

Silver locking in gold, only inches between them.


	10. Sirius Sin

**Sweet Vampiress Black, I don't know how you do it, but you seem to read my mind. How did you know I was going to write this!  
With this exact ending! You are amazing :P**

I hope the rest of you enjoy this little piece too, things are about to get ugly from now on..

Remus gasped. What was he doing! He tried to get off the bed but a strong hand got a grip on his neck and pulled him closer.  
Before he knew what was happening, their lips touched. He wrenched himself from the dark haired man's grip and pull back in shock.

'What are you doing!' He exclaimed. The looks in Sirius' face was calm. 'Wasn't that what you wanted?  
Don't lie to me Neil. I'm not made of stone.. Even with my beautiful eyes closed I could feel the tension.  
Could've been your breath too, though.' Then there was a smirk. 'Besides, I am an excellent kisser. You can't deny that.'  
Remus was just speechless. What was happening? Why was he still here? He had to go! Flee, hide. Anything!  
This was not what he signed up for when he became Neil Rumpus. Even if he secretly wanted to… No!

All of a sudden the expression on Sirius' face got a lot softer.  
'I know it shouldn't be. But I just thought.. We've spent a lot of time together this week and it was wonderful.  
Nothing like the time I spent with James. There is something about you. A hint of mystery. Something I can't touch.  
It makes me want more. Not having you around me is like a starless sky while knowing they are there.  
Missing out on their beauty while they're so close. Only hidden by a masquerade of clouds. A face.  
He placed his hand on the scarred cheek. 'That hunts your most beautiful dreams. That makes you want to know all about it.'

Remus was speechless. It were the most beautiful words he had ever heard and, more important, were ever spoken to him.  
It was like an enchantment. It felt like he was put under a wonderful spell.  
A warm, cosy blanket that closed around him and held him safe and loved.  
Even though he had never expected anyone to speak such words to him, let alone a man, let alone this specific one, it was perfect.  
No longer was there any part of him that wanted to hide or flee. Not even run.

This was where he had to be.

…

This was wrong. _So wrong_. But he couldn't care less. Their mouths clashed together as if they were fighting a battle.  
His fingers were tangled in those beautiful black curls. Those rough, working man's hands closed around him and lifted him in the air.  
Remus wrapped his legs about the young man and moaned when his back slammed a wall. It was a perfect pose and all  
body parts he longed to touch were rubbing against his own. No one cared whether the moaning was caused by excitement or pain.  
Bruised ribs were long forgotten.

The ivory body lifted him on the bed. Slim fingers took the hem of his shirt and pulled it over his head.  
Remus winced at the short silence that fell after Sirius had removed his shirt. His fingers softly followed the thick lines crossing his entire chest.  
'You are beautiful.' Remus' eyes shot open. That was the last reaction he had expected but his eyes closed soon enough and he moaned as a warm mouth found his nipple. _Beautiful._

'I've never felt like this before.' Sirius gasped, kissing nape of the other boy's neck. 'I don't think I can stop.'  
But Remus didn't care and he spoke out those thoughts. A mouth smiled in his neck. 'Good.'  
And in one smooth move Remus was completely naked below the other man.  
Their hands clawed and touched and did everything else to make sure they were there, together. It was warm and God.  
It was perfect. Was this what his mother had felt under the hands of his father? Before they died?  
Who cared. Who could possible care. How was it even possible there was anything evil about this man. He was divine.

Yes, he knew this shouldn't be. That he probably, somewhere in his life, would be punished for this.  
But right now, he couldn't care less. And his hormones most certainly didn't complain either.  
This was passion. This was _love_.

A soft voice in the back of his head wriggled itself loose from all the heat and spoke in a bitter voice.  
_He is a Black._ Who cares. _He is a man. _Who cares. _He's a servant. _Who cares. _You are not.._ Bloody voices.  
They were right. Of course they were right.. Bloody voices.

Gasping for air Remus freed himself from the gorgeous body on top of him and clutched his clothes together. '  
This can't, we shouldn't. I..' Sirius frowned in anger. 'Why? I thought you felt the same way I did!' 'I do!' Remus cried out.  
'I just. I can't. Not yet.' His hands touched his scars and he hastily put on back his shirt. What was he about to say?  
Just the sin of what they were doing would be enough, yes. But that would make him loose Sirius.  
And even though they had just met a few weeks ago, he had never felt this much love in his life.  
Neither could he expose he was actually a duke. That would make things terribly complicated and even more impossible. What had he done?  
He decided to go for a partially truth, leaving out a few little facts. Like he had done so many times before.

'It is going to fast. I am not used to being loved.' Sirius didn't move nor speak.  
He was just facing the window, his breath irregular from excitement and pain. 'Please. It has nothing to do with you.'

In an abrupt movement Sirius turned around, showing Remus a pained smile. 'I understand, Neil.' Remus wasn't sure he did.  
'I-I..' But Sirius put a finger on his lips and cut him off. 'I do. Really. You've seen my mother.' And he smiled. 'That's true.'  
Remus sighed. Of course this man knew about not being loved. More than possibly anyone he knew.  
James always had a great bond with his parents. So did Peter, the chubby servant that would accompany  
James as much as possible. And the maid, the red-haired one. Her parents were the most lovely people two.  
It were just them, right here and right now, that knew what not being loved meant.  
Remus was thinking about that so hard he didn't even realise he had said something _very _stupid.

Again there was that smirk and Sirius eyes him frown under his lashes. 'Really?' All of a sudden Remus felt his cheeks burn up in shame.  
Sirius got up a little straighter and took his face between his hands. 'I'm sure I would've remembered you. You weren't there in the hall.  
Just James and the chubby fellow.' 'Peter.' Remus mumbled. 'That's what I said. Chubs. I would've remembered a face as pretty as yours.'  
'I was there. Behind the curtain with the duke.' He could feel the blood drain from his face.  
He had been so stupid. If he made it out of here in one piece, he would make sure Neil Rumpus would be executed first thing in the morning.  
But Sirius didn't seem to mind that much.

Sirius placed a soft hand on Remus' neck. 'It's okay Neil. I believe you.' He softly kissed the nape of his neck when a door opened.  
There was a sound of breaking glass and porcelain.  
Eyes met in shock, hazel, gold and silver.

'What the hell is going on here!'


	11. Broken Friends

**Another chapter! I hope you won't hate me for this. The end of love and friendship is nigh.  
What will happen? Will everything turn out okay? I sure hope so!**

There were a few seconds of groundbreaking silence in which Remus' mind made the most absurd and ridiculous escapes he could possibly think of.

He could pretend not to know James. That he was just someone who happened to look exactly like the duke. That was insane.  
He could shout out Sirius had kidnapped him. But that wouldn't explain his clothes.  
Besides, he would betray the only Black that actually seemed to have a good heart.  
And there was no doubt that action could turn him into his parents. Horrible.

He could, of course, demand James to go see the duke, for he needed him. And then grab him by the arm and leave the room.  
He'd find an excuse for Sirius later. But before he could act any of this out, warm hand took his arm and a voice spoke.  
A voice that he loved, but would know cause the earth to fall down upon everything he wished for.

'You know Neil, right?' He could hear Sirius trying to keep his calm, but he was clearly nervous.  
'Oh I know him.' There was a fury in the hazel eyes Remus had never seen before.  
There was no way he could save it all. Something had to break. Of only he could-

'Look, I know it's wrong-' Sirius started, but James interrupted him. 'This is wrong. This is _very_ wrong. How could you!'  
It was unclear whether the angry remark was towards Sirius or Remus.  
'Well I'm sorry. I had no idea you'd take it so bad.' Sirius frowned. 'I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to _him._'

James made an aggressive gesture towards the young duke, who felt ashamed and angry at the same time.  
'What are you thinking. This is insane!' Now it was sure he couldn't fix things. He was nailed to the ground by the shouting voice of his servant.  
Any word he'd speak to defend himself would be in a duke-ish matter. And then everything he lied for was lost.  
But again, it was Sirius who interfered and tried to save the duke's skin.

'James, calm down!' But James pulled his arm loose from Sirius' grip and pointed a finger to him. 'You stay out of t his. This is none of your business!'  
Sirius was clearly taken aback by the hostile way his friend addressed him.  
'What is your problem? You are not his father!' Sirius tried to restrain James once more but the latter pushed him back. 'Take your hands of me!'  
'He can make his own decisions!'  
'Well clearly he can't!' James shouted, more furious than Remus had ever seen him. He was breathing heavily and there was a fire in his eyes.  
'You have no idea what you are messing with.' And he grabbed Remus by his arm and pulled him out of the room, leaving Sirius behind,  
who was just to angry and surprised to figure out what he should do.

Back in his own room, far from Sirius', hell broke loose. James was shouting in a matter Remus wasn't familiar with.  
But instead of regretting what he had done, it only made him angrier.

'He is a Black, for God's sake!' James exclaimed. Remus' eyes shot wide open in angry surprise. 'You are one to speak!  
Weren't you the one completely astonished by the fact he was so unlike his family?'  
'But _I _haven't had his thing up my..-' James realised that even _his_ status in this household did not allow him to shout completely inappropriate  
comments like this and shut his mouth, looking angrily at Remus who, in his turn, stared back just as angry.  
'What I do with him is none of your business. I know it is not what should be. But I think I've suffered enough so far and I'm entitled a little bit of love!'  
'No you are not!' James shouted. Before Remus realised what he was doing, he punched James in the face.  
'Ouch!' He grabbed his cheek. 'What on earth is wrong with you! First you hire a Black, then you fall in love with him?  
Do you have _any_ idea what you put us through? This is ridiculous! You are insane!' 'SHUT UP!'  
Remus lost all his self control and screamed on the top of his lungs. 'Shut the fuck up! Sirius was right. I _can_ make my own decisions and  
I'm sick of you trying to make them for me!'  
He was clenching his fists. 'I want love. I _need _love. Sirius is a good man. Yes, he is a Black. But you've seen him yourself. And I _love _him.  
I don't care if that is wrong. For years I've done _everything_ everyone has EVER told me. Was that never good enough to deserve a little bit of life? I AM HUMAN!'  
James was clearly fighting to keep him mouth shut.

'Besides,' Remus continued, 'I think it is ridiculous they still have to be frowned upon after all these years.  
Those crimes were committed centuries ago and still they have to pay the consequences. First thing tomorrow I'm restoring the honour of the house  
of Black and return to the part of my estate that once was Slytherin ground.'  
His fists were clenched to his side and he rose his head in a matter of pride and power. ' And there is _no_way you are going to stop me.'

'Sir don't-' James started.  
'Please.' Remus' voice was cold as stone. 'I never wish to see you again. You are fired.'

And he walked out. Back on his way to Sirius with more truth than he ever wished to tell. He didn't even notice the small, mousy servant who  
hastily jumped aside before the duke could bump into him.  
About plans that had never worked out as planned. About his lies and betrayal, his fear and his love.  
Not knowing, that this was just the beginning.


	12. Black as History

_This is a very long chapter. I hope you guys/gals don't mind._  
_I can't have it any shorter for it contains al lot of explaining and vital information about all that happened._  
_Sirius shows the kind of Black he is and Remus… Well, Remus is just shocked, really._

_Working towards the end now. Only a few chapters left._  
_Thanks to all of you who added Dukes & Servans as a favorite or an alert!_

He was sure the hallway had multiplied several times on his way back. The walk seemed to last forever.  
Something he was somehow grateful for, because he wasn't sure at all what he was going to tell Sirius.  
No matter how hard he shouted how he wanted to tell him the truth, the closer he came to his room,  
how much less of a good idea it seemed. But he had to. If he would continue lying now, he would lose his best friend and his lover.  
And he had already lost one.

At last he reached the door and knocked. When there was no response, he opened the door and walked in.  
In an instant he found Sirius sitting at the table by the window, his head resting on his arms. Was he crying?

The man lifted his head and stared at the young duke. There were no tear in his eyes. It was a look of ultimate frustration.  
He didn't seem surprised that Remus had come back to talk to him. He gestured towards the chair opposite of him.  
The chair shrieked as Remus sat down. He opened his mouth to start explaining, yet he wasn't sure what the explanation would be, but Sirius cut him off.  
'Don't talk. I don't want to hear your voice or anything you have to say.' Remus was confused by the sound of the man's voice.  
He didn't seem angry. More confused. Or unpleasantly surprised. But not angry with Remus or James at all.  
'There is only one reason why I am still here. When I am done with what I have to tell you, you will burn this and never think of me again.'

Remus' fingers trembled as he picked up the little piece of paper Sirius put on the table.  
It was covered in a unpracticed yet clear handwriting that made his heart skip a beat.

Sirius Black  
Basillisk Cur  
Kiss Cub Liar  
Ail Ribs Suck  
A scrub I silks

Neil Rumpus  
Unripe Slum  
Insure Plum  
Urine Plums (yuk)  
Ruin Plumes  
**Remus Lupin**

'I made this quite some time ago. A happy coincidence I thought. How naïve.'  
For a little while a silence was hanging in between of them. There was so much Remus wished to say or ask,  
but Sirius had been very clear when he wished not to hear Remus speak And so he didn't.  
Sirius took a deep breath and broke the silence.

'There is something I wish to tell you. Do not interrupt me and ask no questions. Even if parts of my story are missing,  
I do not wish to hear them. All I want to remember is what was is in my head. No matter who we are or who we are supposed to be.  
You'll understand when I'm done.' Even if Remus had wished to interrupt him, he would not have found the right words.  
And somehow, the better of him told him to shut up, if he knew what was good for him.

Then, the story began.

'A long time ago, when you and me were both mere children, Sir John Lupin died. I am sure you remember.' Remus nodded, everyone knew.  
' But that is not where my story begins. Years before that, a rather horrible event had taken place.  
Something that concerns you and me, even though we never met. A secret that was kept from you and many others. But I know.  
My family knows. I even suspect James knows. And I feel you should know, too.'

Remus frowned. As he loved reading, he had seen, read and pretty much remembered every part of history that was available in the castle.  
He had read about times when the Black's had ruled the estate. That they had lost their title due to illicit behavior ages ago.  
But he had no idea what they had to do with this part of history. His part of history, and how they connected.

'Around that time, the Duchess died giving birth, the child died with her. Sir John was 36 years at that time. He was a great man.  
One of love and kindness. No matter what, he would take care of his people. But the death of his wife caused grief in the man's heart.  
And amount of grief that was beyond repair. If he wouldn't have a son soon, he would die without an heir.  
But sir John refused to remarry, for he loved his wife too much. When he came to die, riots broke out.  
Fights between families about who the rightful heir should be. But then proof came Sir John's younger brother had a son no one knew about.  
A young man called Remus Lupin. Kind and loving, just like his uncle. Why he lived a life in hiding, no one knew.  
But people like a good Lord and some gossip, so they accepted the fact and lived their lives happily ever after.'

He paused, but Remus felt the story wasn't done yet. After all, Sirius clearly stated this story was going to be about him and Remus.  
But so far the only information he got was this story. The story everyoneknew. There was nothing shocking or new about it.  
Besides, Remus knew something about this story wasn't true at all. He never spoke about it with anyone, but deep inside he knew.

'That is not the story. At least, not the true story.' Sirius swallowed. ' That is what I will tell you now.  
My family has ways of knowing. Ways that go beyond the grave and back like a dark kind of magic.  
When I was the age of thirteen, my father got hold of some information about a servant boy my age.  
He had several spies in the castle at that time, and one of them told him about a boy with the hair and the eyes of Sir Lupin.  
His same kind nature. He was told the reason Sir John never remarried wasn't because he missed his wife that much.  
In fact, he had been in love with a maid all his life and it was her son that resembled John so much.'  
'He didn't want to take any chance. He hated, loathed the Lupins, for they had taken his good name and land years and years before and he needed his revenge.  
There was no way he was going to take a risk that a bastard son, a half-blood, was allowed to inherit the title.  
He wanted to make sure that, if so, Sir John would suffer the way he had done. So he hired a man to make sure that kid would disappear.'

Remus clasped his trousers with his hands, feeling sick as the flashes returned.  
'Oh, such a pretty little thing. And all mine!' Slow, achingly slow, he lifted the shirts, took off the trousers. '  
Now, will you just look at that.' He squeezed young, firm flesh. 'All mine..'  
With a firm shake of his head, the young Duke brought himself back to reality. This couldn't be..  
If Sirius knew about this, it hadn't been a dream. It had been.. Oh God oh God oh God.

'A simple kill would suffice for a normal man, seeking revenge.' Sirius continued. ' But not for a Black. Not for my father.  
He gave the man gold, a name and the order to do anything he'd like to the young flesh. Because my father wouldn't take any risks.  
If there was some law that would make a bastard son allowed to be Duke, if that kid actually was the dukes bastard son, the true heir would never sit on the throne.  
My father would never get his revenge. The man returned, covered in blood. I will never forget the look on my father's face. The horrible smile of contempt.  
Because he killed a boy. A child. But he didn't care. For all he knew, his family was about to get back in line.'

There was a silence in which Sirius cleared his throat. He was clearly struggling to tell this story.  
Remus was struggling even more listening to it. His mouth was clenched shut so he wouldn't blurt out in unfair accusations, which he had made enough lately,  
but tears wears rolling down his cheeks. It was not every day you were told about the man who had intended to have you killed.  
Something you suppressed for so long. A part of him wanted to storm out, to scream to James or throw himself down the stairs. But he couldn't.  
He knew more vital information was about to be told. Something he might need in the future. It was Sirius, again, that started talking.

'Time went by. I was 18 by then, and no doubt, so were you. Perhaps you heard about the boy that died.' Remus frowned.  
What did he mean by you heard the boy died? He knew that boy was Remus, didn't he? He stared at the piece of paper in his hands.  
Sirius more or less implied he knew. He looked up at Sirius to find the young man staring at him with a demanding glare to remain silent and listen.  
So he did.

'There was a big riot. All of a sudden everyone named Lupin, Black and all royalty from the former Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff  
estate claimed they were the heir to the title. Papers piled up while they were being examined, one more fake and cheap than the other.  
It went on like this for days, until the Duke's most loyal servant showed up with a very real birth certificate of a man named Remus Lupin,  
John's younger brother's son. It was examined, it was real, it was true. All Hufflepuffs, Ravenclaws, Black, Lupins and whatnots quietly departed.  
Waiting in their houses and castles in case a new opportunity would rise. But it didn't, of course. Even though no one ever heard from him before,  
the man seemed born to be a Duke. With a loyal servant at his side, he ruled the estates at his fullest, with a firm but kind hand.'

Remus faced the table, his head hanging down. Wondering whether James had known about this.  
He knew a part of this story. Well. He didn't know. But he guessed. For one, he knew he wasn't the son of John's brother.  
He would've remembered his father, wouldn't he? No, he knew he grew up in the castle with his mother. The maid Sirius told him about.  
They were often addressed by Sir John in a kind matter. He had had his suspicions that man could've been his father, but he never asked.  
Even though he was just a child, he understood the delicate matter a bastard son would be.  
He stared at his hands and the scars they were covered with. But why couldn't he remember this?  
Or at least, why hadn't he until Sirius came to the castle? By now he was sure the dreams he had had were suppressed memories of that horrible incident.  
His stomach twisted and turned as he could see it play over and over in his head. They tried to kill him. And he never knew. It had something to do with Sirius.  
Had James really known about this? There was anger whirling somewhere deep inside but at this moment the information he had to take in  
was just too much to give in to that feeling. His eyes were burning from the many tears he had shed so far. He startled when he felt a hand on his cheek.  
A thumb that wiped away is tears.

'Please, don't cry. Don't make it any harder than it is.' The voice whispered. He shook his head. 'I can't ask you not to cry, I'm sorry. It is your history. An awful history.'  
His eyes filled with tears too.'But I have to finish. You'll understand it's for the best.' Sirius swallowed his tears away and continued.

'A few years passed, but my father grew suspicious when the he heard the Duke never showed himself. All his spies were fired or had died in the meantime,  
so he had nothing to really rely on. The man he hired promised the boy had died, that day in the woods. But that wasn't enough for Orion Black.  
He had to know for sure. He had to find a way.'

'I had no idea why I was sent to the palace in the first place. Honest, I just thought they wanted to get rid of me and I was fine with that.  
After a few days, however, my mind turned to the fact that it actually might have been his plan to extract information through me.  
So I tried to get fired as hard as I could.' Remus remembered the pranks Sirius pulled on the maids.  
How he would lie around lazily in the sun and not work unless he was forced to. It made sense now.  
'I like the way the Duke did his job, you know.' There is was again. Why didn't he just say you? He knew it was Remus. Then why didn't he say so.  
'I didn't want to be there any longer if there was a risk I would accidently expose information that was supposed to be a secret.  
I refused to talk with James about the Duke, too. Pulling pranks was a great distraction. Two birds, you know. But it didn't work out.  
Apparently the Duke didn't mind me being lazy and annoying to the maids. I didn't have a chance to make up another plan though,  
'cause that night something horrible happened. The man that killed the boy showed up.'

So he was right about that. He knew he had recognized the man that night. It was indeed the same guy. Sirius continued and Remus listened.  
Still angry, baffled and scared, but also willing to suck up the truth. Apparently Sirius wanted to go somewhere with this.

'That man's name is Fenrir Greyback.' He said and his eyes made clear this wasn't just a part of the story but a vital part of information he 'accidently' slipped in.  
Remus' heart skipped a beat.  
'He showed up in my father's name, threatening that, if I knew what was best for me, I'd try harder and be a good Black. I refused.  
I refused to be a good Black. Or maybe I am the onlygood Black, as I didn't want to bring hurt to a good man.  
A man who, I thought, had been hurt enough in his life.'

'Of course, my father had expected me to say no. And that was why Fenrir came along. He punched me in the face and as I fell down,  
he bowed over me, whispering in my ear. "Your father has quite some faith in you. And the young Duke. The kind heart of that man will want to make sure you are okay.  
Sooner or later he will expose himself to you. And if he doesn't, your curious state of mind will make you start wandering on your own.  
No matter what happens, you'll run into him. If you're hurt enough.'

And he started kicking me in the ribs. God, it hurt. But I refused to scream. I wouldn't give my father the pleasure of getting to me.'  
'I was nearly unconscious when James found me and brought me in. When I realized where they were taking me I tried to stop them but I could hardly speak.  
At that point I knew I was close to him. Afraid that my father would get his way, I never left my chambers.  
Because I know my father wouldn't mind torturing me the way he had done to the young Duke to extract every piece of information I knew.  
I knew that, as long as I didn't accidently bump in to him, I could honestly say I never met him. Which I still can.  
As far as I know, you are Neil Rumpus, because you never told me otherwise and you will never do so. You are a servant whom I've befriended.  
Nothing more, nothing less.'

That stung. It hurt Remus so bad, but he knew it was for the best. What they had couldn't be. Not now he knew the truth.  
All this time they tried to make Sirius spy on him. And he refused. He was a good man. A good Black.  
If they would remain.. friends.. one of them could die. And Remus could never forgive himself if that one would be Sirius.

'That is all I will be able to tell.' Sirius continued, his story nearly through. ' I never met the Duke himself, just his servants.  
Peter, James and some guy who's name I will forget as soon as I leave this room.' It made sense why Sirius had said 'the Duke' through the entire story now.  
It was too risky for anyone to hear what was said. To actually speak out the entire truth. Sirius stood up, making his way to the bed on which his coat was,  
ready to be taken away. 'Don't come looking for me. I won't be there.'

The sight broke Remus his heart. It had been on the verge of breaking through the entire story. He had been on the verge of crying, shouting and screaming, but he hadn't.  
Now, there was only one thing left he had to know. If he could've obeyed Sirius wish not to speak, he would've.  
But there was one major piece of information missing in this story, which he knew Sirius held back. So he stood up as well.  
Speaking as soft as he could. 'Why was your father so determined? Who is the rightful heir?'  
Sirius turned around. His face was sad and just as broken as Remus' heart.

'I am.'

His voice was nothing but a whisper he as picked up his coat.  
And he left.


	13. Involving James

Back in his chamber, Remus was too confused and too overwhelmed to do anything else but write.  
He sat down at his table by the door and wrote everything Sirius had just told him down. _Everything_.

Who could he possibly talk to about his? Who could he still trust? Even if a small part of him regretted firing James, he would never admit it.  
When everything was finally formed in his neat and tiny handwriting, he felt relieved, even if it was ever so slightly.  
Where on earth was he to go from now on? He couldn't just go on like nothing happened, could he?  
Every day he would feel the fear that there were people out there trying to kill him. Hoping and praying the honesty of Sirius would keep him safe.  
That James wouldn't betray him.

At that moment, the door of his chambers opened. Remus startled and closed his notebook hastily to find that particular James stepping in the room.  
Why hadn't he left yet? But his arms were covered in clean clothes. Apparently the servant wanted everything to be arranged perfectly before he'd go.  
But right now, Remus couldn't feel sad, sorry or grateful. Their eyes met in an awkward silent and it was James who broke that silence.  
He needed no more explanation than the look on his master's face to realise what had happened.

'So he told you.' Remus didn't answer. All he did was walking up to the man and smack his face as hard as he could. Once, twice.  
James averted his face but didn't respond. He knew he deserved it. In fact, most of his life he had feared a moment like this would occur.  
A red hand formed on his cheek. He swallowed. James wasn't stupid. He might prank around a lot and make jokes all the time,  
but he could be serious if he had to be. And right now, it was very clear he had to endure one last fight.

'Something had to be done. The duke had forbidden anyone to talk about what happened ever again.  
We had no proof about who it was or what exactly happened and we had to let him go.  
Soon after that it turned out Sir John was terminally ill. His good heart couldn't let him remarry and leave a wife behind within a couple of years.  
He had faith in _you_. He had seen what you grew up to be.  
My father, he was a loyal servant to the duke. Sir John trusted him with the matter and they both decided it couldn't happen a Black would rule.  
So my father made up a document about you being a child of John's brother. He was a brilliant man. I assume this is the essence of what Sirius told you.'

'You knew? You knew everything? Even that he was the rightful heir?' There was a short but killing silence. Finally the servant boy answered. '  
Yes.' Remus could feel the anger that had been dwelling inside him the past few hours burst.

'But you see how Sirius is! He is _nothing_ like the other Blacks! Can you imagine what a life I would've had!'  
Remus had never before felt this angry and he smashed a vase on the table nearby his bed. 'He probably would've been a wonderful duke after  
all and I could have had a _life. _I could be walking outside, living, _loving_!' He kicked a chair and it tumbled over. '_I _could've _been_Neil Rumpus.  
A perfectly happy, young servant!'

'How could they possibly have known? He was a child at the time, easily influenced by his family.'  
James interrupted. 'No one knew what to expect of him. Whether he was good or a true Black.'

Remus stiffened as he remembered the conversation he had James had had just after he had hired Sirius. _'A Black. Who'd have thought, after...,'  
_His eyes shot up towards James. 'That one time, just after I agreed to let him try. You almost told me the truth, didn't you. Why didn't you stop me!'  
Guilt was dripping of James' face as he stared at the floor. His face was terribly pale and frustrated.

'I can't believe you.' Remus snapped.' 'I thought you were surprised I hired a Black because of the bad name they have.  
Because of their ways and visions on how an estate should be dealt with. _That was all –I- knew!' _He was breathing heavily.  
Some sort of animalistic anger had taken over him. 'And all this time. All this time you knew the truth. That they tried to _kill _me?  
And that I actually hired the other rightful heir? And not just hired him, I.. I fell in love with him!' Remus shot a horrified look at James.  
'He's not my cousin or brother or something, is he?' James shook his head. 'You are a couple of times removed.  
There are no children in the Lupin bloodline left beside you and therefore your great-great-grandmother connects you towards the Blacks.'

'I knew I would be punished for this sinful feelings. But this is just to much!' Remus shouted, not knowing whether he just wanted to start crying or throw things at James.  
He never had that last urge before, at least not serious, but now it only seemed a fair thing to do. He pulled at his hair and could feel hot tears burn his cheeks.  
'And my nightmares. You knew why they grew stronger and _still_ you decided not to tell me anything. That night. I relived _every single punch _and _whiplash_ and _thrust!  
_And still you decided not to tell me anything?

_The man held a tight grip of the boy's waist as he entered the innocent body. The boy cried in pain.  
_Remus' fingers grasped the windowsill to keep him up. He felt sick.

'But _why!' _He hated that he was crying. It was anger he wanted to show, not sadness. _  
_'Why was I never told the entire truth?' James stared at the ground. 'You don't know what it was like.' He sighed. 'You don't remember as much as we do. As I do.'  
'What do you mean.' Remus snapped.  
James looked up with tears in his eyes but Remus couldn't care less Or at least he thought so. 'You were so scared. No one was to touch you.  
You lost your will to go outside. You were nothing more than a shade of what you used to be. It took you months to recover and when you were  
back to your normal self again, it seemed like you had forgotten all that had happened. You may not remember, but we were friends back then,  
even before it happened.'

Yes, he knew it wasn't wise to handle out of rage. But right now that felt exactly like what he had to do. No dwelling over the past or cherish the  
friendship he couldn't remember. He threw over a chair. He smashed his water bowl to the ground and saw it break in a thousand pieces,  
accompanied by a fountain of water. He turned to his table, not yet deciding what he was about to do with that, when his heart skipped a beat.  
On the table, next to his pen and ink, there was nothing. A big nothing were _something _ had to be.

'Where is my notebook.' He grew pale and his rage turned into ice cold fear.  
'You're what?' James asked confused. 'My notebook! It was right there a few minutes ago and now it is gone!'  
He fell down on his knees to check under the table, under the bed. He didn't even feel the glass cutting his knees in his panic.  
How it slid open the palms of his hands as they explored the floor, trying to touch something his eyes failed to see.  
James kneeled beside him, staring under the bed. 'What does it look like?' 'It's small, and.. Black.'  
They both sat up, knees still in the glass. James casted Remus a questioning look.

'What is in it?'

Remus turned to James, fear in his eyes.

'_Everything.' _


	14. Fear and Rumours

_This chapter is pretty much chaos. It is one of those situations in which too much has to happen and I just can't wrap my mind about it. I do hope you'll forgive me though and don't forget to read the message at the end once you've crawled through this boring chapter!_

For a minute they just sat there, searching, but it was clear the notebook wasn't anywhere near. It was gone. Someone had taken it away. When the young Duke relentlessly continued to wipe his hands through the glass, James pulled him up and put him on the edge of the bed. Remus was surprised by the strength of the boy.

'I don't think there's much use, sir. And we probably have more serious things to worry about now.' Neither of them had any spirit left to joke about the possibility of a pun. They just sat there for a while in silence. Somehow either of them seemed unable to talk or think.

When James kneeled down again and starting picking the little pieces of glass from Remus' knees and didn't even intend to take care of himself, the young duke started to cry. 'I am so sorry.' He cried. 'I was just so angry.' 'It's okay.' James mumbled, his fingers collecting the glass and stopping the skin from bleeding. 'You might think I'm just a silly joker, but I can feel. I know you were hurt.' 'I didn't! I don't! I just didn't know what to do.' Remus buried his face in his sleeve. He didn't want to cry but he couldn't help himself. He was so sorry how he treated James while all he did was keeping him safe. He had been selfish and cruel to the man who had been protecting him for so long. And all of that because he had thought himself to be in love.

There was a short silence. 'We have to prepare for some serious trouble.' James said, deep in thought. 'If someone stole your notebook and if it comes out, there is going to be a lot of questions. We have to be able to deny all facts and bring out the knowledge that there is a false notebook in circulation to bring harm to the duke. Tell me all you can remember you wrote down.'

For a while Remus was hesitating but somehow James seemed to take it very serious. So he spoke. He told him about all he had written. The little things, the drawings, the goat. His love for Sirius.  
Sirius nodded. 'Good. We don't have to lie about the little things and the goat. But we will deny everything else. I will make sure none of your employees talks with anyone about rumours and that everyone with questions will be send directly to me so I can answer. If we double security for a few months 'til everything is calmed down a bit we should manage. You are still a wonderful man and the greater part of your people prefer you in your place. Not a Black.'

Again there was a short silence. Remus stared at James. He could see how the boy was leaving and a man was taking his place. James took a deep breath and continued. 'I will question everyone about where they were and who they've seen myself. I will spend every morning on the market in disguise to listen to the gossip and possible whereabouts of the journal. Sirius left right after your conversation, so it can't have been him. I was talking to you myself with our backs towards the table so it couldn't have been me either. The only other people that come up here are Lily, Peter and the doctor.' James frowned. He was staring in nothing and squeezed his eyes as if he tried to picture everyone he could remember.

All of a sudden he realised how James had always been able to manage to live with the secrets he bore. He liked to prank, yes. He was joking and fun to be with. But he had a strong personality and even greater intelligence. Remus could see more than ever that James would never betray a true friend. James always had a plan. And now, in time of trouble, he didn't even think about letting Lily out of the question just because he loved her.

'It can't have been Lily.' Remus started but James interrupted him. 'Don't say that, Right now it means nothing that I love her. Your safety is more important to me at this moment, whether you believe it or not. Everything is chaos right now and even our conversations and thoughts tumble from one to another. But we cannot exclude anyone before we are sure it wasn't them.' He sighed.

'We both made some mistakes the past few weeks. I should have told you the truth and you should've told me. But we didn't and therefore we are in this situation. But we will trust each other from now on, and that makes that I will protect you and you will be safe.' He placed his hands on the young Duke's shoulders and squeezed them lightly while staring him in the eyes with a serious look. 'You will be safe.' Remus sighed. 'I just wanted to be happy.' He sniffed.

James placed one of his hands on the dukes cheek. 'You have to believe me that I grant you all the happiness in the world.' He smile cheekily. 'Even if that is with a man. Even more if it is with Sirius. You have my blessing.' His face grew serious again. 'But I was torn between what I would like you to have and what was best for you. The moment I saw the two of you it felt as if I had failed to protect you. To keep you safe from.. Well. He told you everything so you know.' He grimaced.

'But he left.' Remus tried to smile but he failed. Tears trickled past his cheeks. 'After he told me the truth, he left.' James smiled again. 'Exactly, and for what reason! Only for all that is good. To protect you even more than I was ever able to. From within the source of evil. And if I know that man, and I think I do, he will be back when he knows everything is safe.'

This time Remus actually smiled. 'Thank you for being a friend.' 'And don't you forget it.' James mumbled, now attending the dukes hands. They remained in silence for quite some time. Remus was repeating James' plan in his mind to make sure he'd do nothing to mess it up this time and he was sure James was doing the same. When the latter was done with wrapping Remus' wounded hands he collected the glass and threw it in the empty water bowl. 'I suggest you get some sleep. I will start everything first thing tomorrow morning.' The dedicated sound of his voice made Remus feel comfortable and when James blew out the candle and his head touched his pillow, he seemed to have the first dreamless night in weeks.

_The next morning_

When he woke up the next day it was almost noon and he felt very rested but the worry hadn't yet left his body. It didn't help either when he found James at his bedside, staring at him in silence. 'You scare me.' He smiled in an attempt to lighten up their contact since the conversation they had last night.  
But James didn't laugh. Remus sat up straight and faced the man. 'What is it?' His question was barely more than a whisper. James seemed to be looking for the right words. Remus' grew more and more anxious every second. Had he slept through something? Had something terrible happened in that short period he decide to lay his head down for a rest? What could possibly have happened overnight?

'This is worse than we expected.' James frowned and Remus clenched the sheets. 'What is it? Tell me!' James sighed deep. 'There are rumours going around, sir.' The look on James' face made clear he wasn't going to like it this time. That these weren't the rumours James would usually return from the market with. To entertain him and make him laugh.

'They know, sir. Everything. It is said that the kid that got kidnapped years ago didn't die at all. That he actually survived, grew up and became the new duke to keep the Black's from getting the title. That he was the bastard son from the duke and one of his maids. That my father faked the documents saying you are his brother's child instead of a bastard..' Remus felt as if all the blood drained from his body. But James didn't stop.

'But the peculiar thing is.. It mentions nothing about the part the Blacks had in that. Nothing about Sirius, Orion or this man you mentioned.' 'Fenrir Greyback.' James nodded. 'Nothing that could put them to blame. Nothing about your relationship to Sirius or what Orion made him do. The rumours just popped up. Everywhere people were mumbling and whispering and they seemed to know everything. But all rumours were fed with facts that only would harm you. Not them. That can only mean one thing.'

'N-no.' Remus stuttered. 'It can't be.' James smirked in a very unpleasant way.  
'I made the guards search the entire castle. The servant-quarters, the stables. Nothing was found. Then, against my own heart, I sent them to Black manor.' Remus could feel how his jaws seemed to lock as if they would never speak again. How could his heart possibly beat without blood? Was James going to say what he thought he was going to say?

And he did. The words James spoke were the worst he thought he had ever heard in his life. And he was quite sure nothing would ever hurt him more.  
'The guards arrested Sirius an hour ago. They found this in his pockets.' He handed the Duke something small and black and very familiar. There was no holding back anymore. When his fingers touched the leather bound notebook he broke out in tears.

James looked older than he ever did. There was a wrinkle on his forehead that hadn't been there last night. After a short silence Remus swallowed and asked in a trembling voice. 'Where is he now?' He sobbed. 'Is he safe?' He was surprised by his own stupidity. How could he still want to believe he was innocent? Everything pointed in this direction. Towards Sirius. The only time in his life he felt capable to love someone, to truely love someone, was taken away from him. Ripped in pieces and burned in front of his eyes.

'He is brought to trial in a few hours. Then you must decide what has to happen with him.'  
Remus buried his head in his hands. There was not much more he was able to do then just crying.  
How could he ever continue being duke after this? How can someone live with the memory of putting their only love to death? Only the torturing to make him confess was something the young duke did not want to think about. This was awful.

James wrapped his arms around the now shaking duke and pulled him close. All Remus could do was cry and tremble. James had been wrong. He had been wrong. Everyone had been wrong.  
If James had spoke out his thoughts. If he hadn't been so curious. This never would've happened.  
And Sirius..

'I guess we all underestimated Sirius Black.' James whispered as if he could read his mind.

Yes. They had all underestimated Sirius Black.

**PLEASE READ!**

_Dukes & Servants is only a few chapters away from it's ending. On the moment I write this, the story has 24 reviews, 9 favorites and 32 (!) alerts. Thank you! I am so flattered. But if you are willing to please me a little more, I'm willing to give you guys a present..._

_As you have read, in this story Remus writes and draws in a little notebook about what happens around the castle. And later on, a lot about Sirius. Well. The thing is. I actually created that notebook for you guys to read. Including drawings and everything. BUT! I shall only post it if we reach at least_

_**40 **__reviews at the end of the story. The more reviews, the more pages I'll post!  
Yes, that is cruel and blackmail, I know. But I've been working very hard on the story and the notebook and I think I deserve a reward for that :P_

Let me tell you, it is definitely worth it.. It is sooo worth it!


	15. Broken Tears

_I know, late, aah! But I think it's a good thing this update is late, for only a few minutes I decided to change something in the next chapter that gives the story a little more twist than originally intended.  
But that means I have to split up this chapter in this one and the next and rewrite the next and stuff and aaaah. Forgive me, lovely people. Please forgive me! It won't take long, promise_

28 Reviews so far. Only 12 to go and I will release Remus' notebook. Yes, the notebook the duke is writing in and was stolen by Sirius, that very one. With notes AND drawings!

_I might be writing a little less the upcoming weeks though, because I'm starting a web shop with Harry Potter related jewelry and knitwear and who knows what! Curious about it? Send me a message and I'll inform you thusly! There is even a special discount for FF members the first few shop weeks_

_Anyway, back to our troubled pups!_

.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.

It only took three hours to gather the judges and prepare for trials. Three lousy hours in which Remus took a bath, had lunch, picked out his clothes and had a long stroll in between of all three actions. But it didn't matter to him. None of it did. For every step he took, every breath and every look, was accompanied by a tear and a shatter of his broken heart. He was no longer able to speak or laugh. All he could do was cry.

He had no idea he could feel like this and he cursed at himself for being too curious. For all those years he lead a happy life. As happy as he could. He didn't remember what had happened. He didn't know better than not being able to stroll around or fall in love. And he had been okay with that. He had reigned his lands with a firm but loving hand. There was no poverty, the houses his leaseholders lived in were fixed whenever it needed fixing and he was provided with good harvest and taxes each year.  
He had been okay with that.

But he decided to stroll around anyway. To fall in love anyway. To sell his soul to the devil or whatever it was that made unfortunate loves like this happen. And now he paid the consequences. His heart was broken and so was his reign. James told him a lot of people still supported him. But he knew that meant there was also a part that doubted his good name. That actually believed the truth Sirius brought out. Which, of course, was the truth.

Sirius. Oh God, Sirius. Had he really been that blind? A man that always thought himself capable of judging every book by its cover, and he _was _good at that, was now so mistaken in one person that it cost him his heart, his head and his right mind. It probably made sense. In all the books he ever read it was okay to be pretty. It was fortunate to be smart. But pretty and smart was a dangerous combination. Usually it came in the shape of an evil stepmother. But apparently it came in gardener-shape as well. 'Cause there was no denying the boy was smart. And so gorgeous…

Remus sank down on the ground in the hallway, only a few feet away from his room. He just couldn't gather the strength to walk any longer and he gave in to crying his heart out. His body was acing from the shocks of his sobbing. There were wet patches on his sleeves where he rested his head on his arms. His arms rested on his knees and this created a small and dark space between his limbs were he could lose himself in safety.

It was clear to him now Sirius had never really loved him. He wasn't even surprised. Not really. He was just a skinny, pale and scared creature. How could a young man, so full of life with so much energy floating around him ever be interested in such a scrawny figure.  
The beating. Had that been fake too? Had he suffered just to get a chance to get close to the duke? Had he known all that time Remus wasn't just a servant? And that one time.. Had that just been a skill Sirius happened to posses to extract information from people? Seducing them with a warm voice and enchanting looks? With touches that could make the most aroused heart stop beating, caressing with the tender touch of a feather.

And James. How could James not have said a thing? Or anyone else for that matter? If they had just told him back then, he never would've hired a Black and all this would never have happened! Of course he knew it wasn't fair to still blame James. The boy would give his life to save him, he was sure of that. But still it stung James hadn't trusted him enough to tell the entire truth. So yes, he blamed him too, even if it was just a little.

He hadn't even noticed his servant walking towards him until the boy kneeled in front of him and carefully reached for his wrists. 'You have to come, sir.' But Remus was only crying. 'I know how you feel.' There was a little stutter in the voice that made Remus look up, his own face reflecting in hazel tear filled eyes. 'I know. James Potter can cry, it's a miracle.' He attempted to smile but it didn't last. He pulled the duke up and wiped away the tears off the pale cheek with his sleeves. 'We must be strong now. _You _must be strong now. No matter what has happened, you are still the duke. And this is the moment your people need you most.' He swallowed. 'You must show your strength and have your traitor prosecuted.' A tear escaped the hazel eyes and trickled down his cheek.

Without a second thought Remus threw himself in James' arms and the latter held him close in a firm hug. No words were needed. He knew James was right. Sirius was a traitor. And traitors had to be prosecuted. Letting a man get off with such lies, and God knew it was actually the truth, would be a sign of weakness. No matter who they were. And the judges were very inflexible. There was only one  
verdict for treason.

Death.

They would both loose a loved one tonight.  
And it _hurt_.

.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.

_Can you guys I actually cried while writing this? I feel so sad for Remus, having to sentence Sirius to death for his treason. God. My heart is breaking! Aaargh.  
Perhaps I should leave it up to you guys how this end.._

_**Will Sirius live or die?**_


	16. Judging Sirius

_Thank you so much for all the reviews! Just 8 more and the Notebook will be yours! I'm still looking for a good way to put it online, so if you have any tips, please let me know :)._

Sorry it took me so long to update! I've been sick for ages it seems and I had no power whatsoever to write anything. But here is the next chapter!

It's still not clear what will happen to Sirius though. Will he admit his treason? What will his sentence be? And would Remus ever be able to live with the idea he had his lover put to death? If he is put to death, that is. _I rewrote this chapter a gazillion times and even added and deleted some bigger roles for a few characters that haven't been in the story so far but decided not to go with it._

o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o

The courtroom was loaded with people. The seats in the back were littered with peasants. There were the Weasleys with all their children. One of the twins pulled the other's nose, who made a face in return. The Longbottoms, Bones', Diggle, tiny as ever, Fletcher, ugly as ever. Even the Crabs' and Goyles seemed to have turned up. The rows in the front were filled with the Noble people. He was sure he could see the Dumbledore's, both Aberforth and Albus. The latter looking stern, the first holding a baby goat. The widow McGonagall had come too, looking over the edge of her glasses to the judges in quite a disapproving way. In the front row was Lucius Malfoy. For a moment he wondered what on earth he would do here, but then he remembered his engagement to the young Narcissa Black. She was, of course, Sirius' aunt.  
But there was no sight of Sirius' parents. Not even his younger brother of whom Sirius' had spoken rather fondly a few days ago. Remus thought they either didn't want to witness, or just didn't care.

It was long ago there had been so many people for just one case. Though, of course, this was a very grave case. A lot of these people no doubt came to show their believe in the duke. A few others, the Malfoys, no doubt, had come to see mud thrown at the Duke's good name. But that wouldn't happen. Right now there was only one choice. His life, or Sirius'. And he knew James wouldn't allow him to give up his. Besides, what was the point? If he would step our right now, there was no doubt he would be killed, for he himself was one big pile of treason. A bastard, keeping the rightful heir from his throne. But he knew the moment he would be executed, there would be an angry crowd. A crowd of people who preferred not to know their Duke was truly a bastard. A crowd that still hated Sirius for his betrayal and would kill him anyway, the moment they got the chance. If his family wouldn't do so first for the blemish Sirius brought on their name by getting himself arrested. And as it was hell that awaited both of them, Remus doubted they would ever be together in the end.

He could feel his mind struggle. Fighting his body, which wanted to flee to his rooms, drown himself in the tub or throw himself from the tower. Anything, really, that would make him unable to witness this case. Anything that would make his broken heart ache less.  
But James had been right. He had to be strong. And he himself was right. They couldn't get out of this alive, not both of them. And no matter how much he preferred Sirius to live, yes, even now, he knew it was for the better if it was him who lived instead. For he had the true possibilities to turn the tables back to their original ranging as soon as possible. To put the other Blacks back in their places and continued his reign with James on his side and his own warm and kind character to take good care of his peasants.

Doors opened in the back of the room and he automatically closed his eyes when the crowd started to hiss and shout. He really would've preferred to just stay in his room and pretend nothing happened. Not as if anyone would realize he wasn't behind his bloody curtain anyway.. Footsteps walked closer and closer to the curtain. There was a sound of crashing metal. He could probably dream the noise after 4 years of reign but never before had a closing dock left such a clear echo in his head. The echo a throbbing head ache could bring after one had cried for hours. Oh, wait.. He had. In fact. He was. The idea that the man he loved so much was now so close to him but not able to see him. Or to touch him. To kiss him. To leave him. To betray him.. Yes, he knew it had only been a few weeks. But even now the love burned in his heart with the intensity of a thousand suns. He wondered if it could burn him to death. If not, it would sure be his tears that drowned him anyway.

He finally dared to open his eyes and found Sirius standing tall and proud in said dock. His chin lifted and those enchanting grey eyes staring at the judges as if he dared them to do him any harm. Arms were clasped at both sides of the dock. As if he could do anything. If he even dared to move a muscle, most of the crowd would rip him to pieces for his betrayal. Remus could clearly make out a blue eye and a chapped lip. The red blood in a screaming contrast with his perfect pale skin. Had the guards done that? Had he struggled when they arrested him? He knew he shouldn't but he didn't like to see him hurt. Treason or not, his heart refused to think of him as ugly or unattractive. He had to restrain himself from running up to his lover as a maiden would in a fairy tale. Falling on her knees, begging for whatever it was that would save him and they would live happily ever after. His heart begged him to do so. His mind, however, tried to convince him he deserved it. Of course he deserved him. He made him believe he loved Remus, hadn't he? He had lied and betrayed him. God, it hurt.

With the bang of a hammer Remus averted his eyes from the man and watched the judge address the dark haired man. Only then he realized his hands grasped the arms of his chair so hard his knuckles were all white. His shoulders were tensed and he actually seemed to be in a state of running right through the curtain, towards the man in the iron clasps. James was staring at him, seemingly ready to stop every reckless action the duke could perform. He sank back in his chair, James relaxed a bit, and both stared at the ground as the thundering voice of the judge echoed through the room.

'Sirius Orion Black. You are charged with the betrayal of Duke Remus Lupin the First of Hogwarts. The betrayal withholds false accusations of the origins of the Duke as well as spreading the rumor of him being a bastard son of late Duke John Lupin the Second. Do you admit you committed these crimes?'

'Yes.'

'Why did you decide to bring out these rumors?'  
'To get my rightful title as heir of Hogwarts.'

'I see. There has been debate about this before. As you are probably aware it was your father back then that tried to name you Duke. Yet there was clear evidence that it was not you, Sirius Orion Black, but Remus Lupin, son of John's late brother, who was next in line. Is that why you needed Remus Lupin out of the way?'  
'Yes.'

'Has your family put you up to do this?'  
'No. I acted on my own. That is why they are not here today. They have nothing do to with this.'  
He stood so tall and proud. Yet his voice trembled. His eyes were strong but hid a sadness when the verdict was spoken.

'You said you got this evidence from the duke his personal notebook?'  
'Yes.'

'Where is that notebook now?'

There was a short silence and Remus shove his hand into his pocket, holding tight to the little leather bound book James had given him back only hours prior to this moment. He was sure the dark-haired boy's eyes nervously glanced at the curtains for less than a second only to stare back at the judge, fierce and proud as ever.

'I do not know, sir.'

'You do not know..'  
'No I do not.'  
'Was there even a notebook?' The look on the judge's face was one of disbelieve.  
Sirius didn't answer but bit his lip, wincing as it was already chapped and started bleeding again.

'Have you actually met the duke?'  
'No.'

The thousand suns set in for an attack and made Remus' heart stop beating. He just felt confused. The man had told the judges, in front of so many people, he was guilty of treason. But he had denied that he ever met the duke. He said he stole the notebook. Yet he denied there was anything in it about him. He agreed that his family had nothing to do with it, that he had acted on his own. It made no sense at all. He betrayed him, hadn't he? Why would he care about the rest of the truth if it was this close to certain his sentence would be death? Was it to grant his family that good name anyway?

'Sirius Orion Black. We found you guilty for treason and therefore you will be hanged by the neck until death. This shall take place in the morning.' The hammer slammed once more. He never thought it possible, but except for a few people all peasants jumped up from their seats and gave the judges a big applause. Remus could hear voices calling Sirius names, scolding and swearing at the young man. But it all seemed so far away. It seemed like a play, or a game little children would play, unaware of the horrible reality.. Not like anything remotely real.

At that very moment he hated the curtain more than he had ever done before. That cursed piece of cloth, he thought, would always remind him of the last he saw of his lover.  
Two heavy irons were clasped around the boy's wrists as the constables escorted him out of the courtroom. 'Traitor!' Someone spat, pulling the boy's hair. 'Liar!' 'Piece of shit!' There was pulling and tugging at the boy's already ragged clothes. And then Sirius was gone. Brought to the dungeon where he would await his death. People were still talking full enthusiasm. An execution was a rare form of entertainment in this part of the kingdom and they had so little amusement as it was.

'Something isn't right!' He whispered to James, still crying. 'It's not right.' James stared back at his master. He tried to fight back his tears but failed miserable. 'It is for the best, sir.' He sniffed. 'Come on.' He took the duke by his hand as the truest token of friendship and walked him towards the door. 'Go to your room and stay there. Lock your doors in case someone comes snooping around.' 'Where will you be?' Remus ask quietly. 'Where I always am. Everywhere to make sure things go the way they should. It's what I do.' He tried to smile but Remus didn't answer. He hugged his servant and then stared in the hazel eyes. 'I hope we can still be friends when all this is over.' His lip trembled and he hated himself for showing such weakness. This time James smiled and softly nudged the duke's shoulder. 'We will always be good friends. Let's just hope this is the worst that can happen to us.'

Remus smiled in return and stared at the courtroom where all people were leaving, one by one. This had been the most horrible day of his life. There was no doubt about it. When the last person left, he turned around, nodded at James and closed the courtroom door behind him. In no time he found himself back in his room with doors locked and curtains closed.

He fell down on his bed and cried. He cried harder than he ever had before. That made sense, he thought, for he never had a reason to cry this much about before. But now he had. He had loved this man. He had loved him more than anything he had ever loved before. The way he would carefully touch him hand, simply lay and arm around his waist when they stared at the grounds.

Those moments had been so few, he knew. But they had seemed so true and all he wanted to have in his life. He was sure he was never able to trust anyone again. How could he? Where was the reassurance the next person wouldn't want to try and betray him too? Or the next? Or the one after that? He had no choice. He had to go back to what he was before. A man that lived in the shadows and _liked _it. A man that only had _one _true friend, would never show his face and had to live with the fact that he had allowed his lover to be put to death.

Oh Sirius..


	17. A Thousand Truths

**Thank you all for your reviews! It quite sounds like you'd all kill me if I'd let Sirius die.. But what if it's on behalf of the story? No? Well. I guess we'll just have to read and see.. Three more chapters and then it's over! And I'm very proud to announce that there is no doubt we'll reach the 40 reviews.. I am so proud of you guys! The notebook is as good as yours =D.**

**You shall receive it at the end of the last chapter as your well deserved reward for being such a loyal reader =).**

o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o

That night had been the worst of his life. He hardly slept and when he did, the most horrible nightmares crept up on him. It was as if a boggart had replaced his brain. Bang, Sirius being torn apart by a giant rat. Bang, Sirius being decapitated. Bang, Sirius being beaten up by this Fenrir guy all over again. Bang, bang, bang. When he woke up in sweat for the ninth time that night, the sun was finally out and he was feeling even more miserable than he had the day before. He dragged himself to his window, wishing the rising sun would lift his spirit at least a little. But nothing was further from the truth.

Just when he felt like things absolutely couldn't get any worse at all, they did. Of course they bloody did. On his most favourite spot on the grounds, right under the tree where he used to watch Sirius lie around, man were running off and on with wood, nails and rope. Oh yes. They were building the gallows right in front of his window. What on earth were they thinking? That he would enjoy seeing this man hang? Well. Of course that's what they were thinking. It was the man who betrayed him after all, wasn't he? Who wouldn't love to see the villain of a not-so-perfect love story hanged?

He sank down in the chair that survived his fit a few days earlier and buried his head in his hands. He just hoped James would show up for breakfast soon. The night had left him hungry and eager for some company to distract him from the horribly sight on the grounds. After a few minutes he realised it was probably too early for breakfast. Perhaps James had a better night's rest and wasn't even awake yet. He popped his head outside of the room to see if he could spot Peter so the little fat boy could fetch him some water for a bath. But Peter wasn't around yet either. Then again he could've thought of that. It was pretty much impossible to wake Peter up early. In fact, he wasn't that brilliant a servant at any rate. He just felt sorry for the boy somehow. He was quite a pathetic excuse of a human. He tried, of course, but seeing how he just wanted to be James, he always turned out like.. Well. Quite like the little hunchback right hand of a children's story. The guy who always tried but never succeeded to be the hero. With the speed of a snail Remus made his way to his closet and decided to dress without his bath. Not like anyone would see him. Or come close enough to smell. He could do one day without.  
Let Peter have his rest.

With leaden step, but properly dressed, he returned to the chair and rested one arm on the window sill to support his weary head. At least everything would be back to normal tomorrow. It would be as if Sirius had never existed and nothing of this actually happened. Somehow he found himself incapable of crying. Had he spilled all his tears the previous nights? Had he just grown indifferent of the entire situation? Or perhaps he finally found his right mind again and realised one simply _couldn't _love a traitor. He knew that wasn't true of course, but one could let himself believe. Feeling incapable of showing any emotions was a rather pleasant variation of crying all the time, to be honest. The physical pain was far less an even his heart seemed to shatter less. Or perhaps there was just nothing left to shatter.

He continued reminiscing for quite some time when a banging drum startled him. When he gazed outside the window he found finished gallows. That was fast. A bunch of people were surrounding the gallows and three men in black were beating the drums. Even some crows had found their way and were circling around the rope. How did they always seem to know when there was an execution? Remus decided he didn't like the birds one bit. The sun gave away it was actually later than he thought it was and his rumbling stomach accompanied the thought why James hadn't brought him breakfast. The boy was probably caught up in his own misery though. Remus seemed to forget it on a regular basis, but Sirius had been James' friend before he even properly met the boy. Of course he was upset. The bespectacled boy most likely had no appetite himself an had therefore forgotten to bring his master some. No one could blame him for that. Not much.

The banging of the drums grew more and more intense and his gaze was focussed on the doors from which he knew Sirius would come. And he did. There he was. Beautiful as ever. His lip was still chapped and his eye blue but that didn't matter. His black curls waved around his head as he walked towards the gallows with pride. His sophisticated, dainty way of walking was still a sight. His arms were clasped in the same heavy irons. Two constables walked at his side but there was no need to drag or pull. As a man walking down the aisle he walked towards his faith, his death. Was it possible the man didn't mind that he was about to die? Even though his plan had failed? After all, the duke was still here, still duke and still alive. All had been for nothing and he would come to die.  
But he really didn't seem to mind. With a gentle pace he walked up the little stairs and towards the rope. Right away Remus realised he had been lying to himself. When he let his head lean back a tension formed in his throat. The clear feeling of a body that was about to cry. Apparently there was still a bit of heart left. And within seconds the first tears escaped from his eyes.

He took a deep sigh and relocated his gaze towards the gallows once more. Something dark flew through the air and hit Sirius' head. 'No!' Remus shouted unwillingly and he placed a hand on his mouth. A rock landed on the wood and a little trail of blood found its way down Sirius' temple while the crowd supported the perpetrator. Several pieces of rotten fruit and vegetables found their way towards the man about to be hung and soiled his already blood stained clothes. But Sirius didn't respond to any of the assaults. With his gaze fixed on something in the distance he just stood there tall, beautiful and so very mortal..

'Do you have any last words?' The executioner bellowed as he tightened the rope around the man's neck. Sirius straightened his shoulders and turned his head.

'May the truth die with me.'

To be honest, Remus couldn't hear the soft voice with which the boy had spoken his last words. But he had grown capable of reading lips over the past few years and, coincidence of not, it seemed as if the boy's head was turned straight towards the window behind which the Duke was hiding. Said duke backed up a few steps for he could've sworn that, even from a distance, this man was capable of staring him straight in the eye, just as he had done weeks earlier through a curtain. He was still a mystery. The young duke decided he'd seen enough and sank down on his knees two feet from the window. His body felt as if it was someone else's. As if he was unfamiliar with the size of his own limbs and he wasn't sure how to move them. His arms seemed to long, his legs too skinny, his rib case too small to carry around his hammering heart. Even his hair felt as if it was accidently placed upon his head. And they weren't even limbs.

He could feel how his entire boy tensed in this uncomfortable position. He stretched his arms and let them rest on the window sill. Grabbing on to it looked more like it. His head was clasped between his arms and his eyes were clenched shut. His breathing was deep and rhythmic. The drums were droning through his head. With every beat his nails bore deeper into the window sill. With every beat his heart would beat faster and his eyes would squeeze shut tighter. His breathing turned into something frantic and untamed. Every inch of his body was waiting for the moment the drums would stop. For the sound of a trapdoor and a body tugging on a rope. Perhaps even cracking bones or the struggle of a man's last breath. Just let it be over. Please let it be over.

His breath was now in sync with the beating of the drum. A deafening noise that seemed to bore through every single inch of his body, making him feel as if he was consumed in the most unpleasant trance the earth had ever witnessed. But even more deafening than the beating of the drums, announcing the death of a man, was the silence when the drums stopped. However, there was no turning of an handle, a falling body or a choking man. Not even the sound of a cheering crowd reached his ears. Instead there was a voice. A shouting voice. A very familiar, shouting voice.

'STOP!'

A man ran up the wooden stairs, dragging someone along. He seemed to be out of breath but there was a surprised murmur from the crowd as they recognized the man right away. And so did Remus. It was James. His hair was even messier than usually and his glasses were half broken. James had his hand clenched around a man's throat. He was furious. Remus had never seen his mischievous, kind-hearted servant this way. His grimace was the one of a man ready to kill.

'Tell them what you told me!' Even from this distance his voice was clear for Remus to hear. Nevertheless he carefully opened the window to make sure he wouldn't miss a word. He took a closer look at the little man. His clothes were torn and his face was covered in dirt. That explained why Remus hadn't recognized him right away. The little fat man was Peter. His own, personal servant.  
Peter was shivering. Trembling.

'TELL THEM!' But Peter didn't speak a word. 'This man!' James continued. 'Is a scared little piece of _shit_. This man came to me this morning to confess his sins. And now he is too scared to admit his crimes. This man! This man is the true traitor. It was him who sold his soul to the devil who goes by the name of Orion Black and conspired to besmirch our good Duke's name!' A wave of shocked mutter rushed through the crowd. He pushed Peter who fell on his knees and bowed his head in shame.  
'He also told me that Sirius Orion Black was never part of this plan to begin with. He was an unwilling pawn of a game he never played. Sirius Orion Black turned back home because he didn't want to play a part in this horrible scheme and found his father paying this _rat_for his services. Orion Black threatened to kill everything and everyone he held dear if he would tell. To me, this only proves this man is good of heart. When the guards came to arrest him, he went with them to protect those he held dear. Judges.' He waved his hand at Sirius. 'I demand a new interrogation in which the confession of this man will be taken in order, by request of my true Lord, our Duke, Remus Lupin.' He bowed deep to show his respect of the judges but Remus was sure he could see the man eye the window from where he was apparently sure the Duke was watching, as if to ask for forgiveness.

Remus had been watching with his heart stuck in his throat. Could this really be true? He eyed the judges in agony. How he wished he could just ran out and demand them to do what James had asked them to do. In fact, he was very close to doing so when the judge finally spoke. 'Is it true what this man said?' He asked in a stern voice. Unclear to whom this question was directed, both the servant and the gardener nodded. 'Stand, James Potter.' The judge spoke and James did as he was told, staring at them with a pride that resembled Sirius'. 'With the interference of our Duke's wish, we may have prevented an innocent man from dying. You were just in time and this man should be grateful to you.' James turned his head aside and his eyes locked with his friend's. The executor, clearly disappointed, took the noose from Sirius' neck and untied his hands but Sirius didn't run up to his friend to hug or even thank him. He just stared at James in confusion and showed no relieve. Apparently he couldn't believe he wouldn't die today after all. 'Sirius Orion Black. I would like to put it to you that your innocence has not yet been proven. You shall return to your cell until further notice.' He nodded to the constables who once again put the irons on the man's wrist. But somehow Sirius didn't seem to care. With a frown on his face he let them escort him from the gallows and bring him back to the cell. Two man dragged Peter along, whom seemed to have fainted.

Remus thought he could understand why Sirius seemed so languid. It was a lot to take in, but if James was right, if what Peter had told him was true, Sirius had sacrificed himself to save someone. And if he wasn't mistaken, that someone was he, himself. He almost pressed himself against the window to stare at the man that was disappearing through the heavy wooden doors towards the dungeon where he would stay until further notice. Could this really be true? Sirius had spoken the truth after all, that day in his room when so much history had come to his ears that he had refused to believe Sirius in the first place. The man had left, told him he did so to keep him safe. And he had. He had been willing to pay with his life. This man was a true hero.

Remus felt so relieved and shocked that he burst out in a weird hysterical laughter he never thought himself capable of. He clasped a hand in front of his mouth, pulled his own hair and at some point even made a weird little dance through the room. This was unbelievable. If there ever was a fairytale written again it should be about this. He wouldn't even care of the writers turned him into the maiden he pictured himself to be the other day, to make the story more suitable for little children. He wouldn't even mind if they made him a fair-skinned, long haired princess in a pink dress for that matter. Why would he? Perhaps he was a princess and he didn't even know it. The world just made a back-flip and a landed on two perfect feet.

Then he sank back down on his chair. The world may have landed on its feet again, but things would still had to go back the way they were. He knew that, of course. There was no chance he could risk this all again. He couldn't betray James' trust again or make the same stupid mistakes he did before. But that wasn't what mattered right now. Sirius was still alive. He was innocent! Innocent! The Gods be damned. His heart had been right after all. He took a very deep breath and leaned his head on his arms. Somehow he thought it would be better to love than to have lost. Even if he couldn't show that love any longer. It would probably be unbearable, but at least he'd know the man that held his heart would still be alive. For now, that was good enough.

Just when things seemed to calm down a bit Remus woke up from his inner struggle when the crowds started to scream. He jumped up and bumped his head against the window in his rush to stare at what was going on. And what he saw was not pretty. The crowd had backed away except for a few motionless bodies, scattered and sprawled on the ground. There was blood. Everywhere. There was a struggle near the gallows and when he took a closer look he was sure one of them was James, towering over a smaller man whom, he guessed, was Peter. The man were fighting as if their lives depended on it. Of course Peter's did. For a second both let go of each other and just stared. Then Peter launched forward, bumped into James and knocked him off his feet. While worried bystanders crowded around James to see if he was alright, Peter saw his chance and ran off with an astonishing speed. The constables ran after him and soon they were out of Remus' sight.

His brain was close to exploding. Sirius had just been saved. Peter was guilty. And now Peter was gone. What happened to his once so peaceful estate? But Peter could never get fat. At least that was a relieve. There was no doubt in his heart they would find him before he was supposed to appear in court and everything would be alright. After all, the entire crowd that witnessed the 'execution' also witnessed Peter's admitting the truth. Perhaps that would do if they could get Orion Black to appear for court. When he stared outside once more, the crowd had bowed themselves over the deceased, wondering if they knew the poor people who had suffered such an unpleasant fate. James had freed himself from the mass and was now standing straight under his window, looking up. When their eyes met, and Remus noticed how pale James was, the latter nodded and walked through the doors.

Remus knew the boy was on his way to inform him and unlocked the door, waiting for James to show up. Within seconds his loyal servant came walking down the hall with a face as pale as the whitest marble.

'What happened!' Remus ran towards his servants and grabbed him by the shoulders. 'Peter.' James breathed. 'He went crazy. K-killed twelve people. He had a knife and...-' James took a deep breath.  
'I came to t-tell you..' He stuttered. And it wasn't until then Remus realised the hand with which James' clenched his abdomen. It was covered in something red. It was covered in blood. 'Peter escaped. We must f-find him to s-safe S-s-s..' He fell to the ground in a helpless pile of human, dragging Remus with him as he fell. 'No!' The latter shouted, , crawling up and he wrapped his arms around the skinny man to pull him upright. 'James! Come on James, this is not funny!'  
The world broke his ankles and crashed on its back. Was this karma? Really? His lover's life was more or less reassured but now he had to pay with his best friend's life? That was so.. cruel.

'Somebody! Please help me, somebody!' His hands were drained in red. Who cared about secrets. Yes, he had been willing, sort of, to let Sirius die because he thought the man was a traitor. But he wouldn't let James die because of this. Not now. 'Help!' _Help_.. Remus closed his arms tighter around the black-haired boy. His face so pale, his eyes starting to turn away. 'No James. No, don't do this to me!' How could he have been so stupid to be angry with James. He had served him, he had been his friend. He had protected him.. Yet the last few days they had spend together has mostly been in anger and shouting. He had even punched the man. He could not let this man die in his arms right now. 'I _need_you.' Remus mumbled as he pressed the man closer to his chest. 'HELP!'

After what seemed to be hours footsteps tapped on the stairs. Never before he had been so happy that someone was willing to break the rules. To his surprise it was the red haired maid had heard him scream and came running down the hall. She made a surprised face when she saw James lying in the arms of a man she did not recognize right away, but decided this wasn't the right time to ask questions. Then, when she truly seemed to realise it was James, her face turned an impossible shade of gray. As fast as her feet could drag her she ran off. Remus hoped she would be wise enough to fetch a doctor and pressed his hands to the wound in a attempt to stop it from bleeding. When that didn't seem to work he unbuttoned his waistcoat and pressed it against the bleeding wound. The red made a sickening stain on the pale green, silk vest. His mind decided to play another trick on him and visions of the little boy in the bloodstained bed flashed before his eyes. 'Not now.' Remus mumbled and he squeezed his eyes shut. 'Not now.'

It was only a few minutes later when two pair of feet came walking towards him. Dim luck that the doctor was there for the execution. The doctor shot a quick glare at Remus but the latter didn't care. Why would he. This was James' life! Yes, he had been stupid enough not to interfere with Sirius' death but that was for other reasons. 'Lily, could you please get me some warm water.' The red headed girl, who was Lily**, **bowedand made her way down. 'We have to move him.' The doctor mumbled and he curled his arms around James' chest. Without hesitation Remus grabbed his legs and followed the doctor towards a room. And not just a room. 'Oh God.' Remus mumbled, earning himself a piercing look from the doctor. Who knew damn well why Remus was not happy about this. _When all this is over, I will _never _set foot in that room again._Remus thought to himself.

This bed had seen more blood than a bed was supposed to. First it had been him as a child, then Sirius and now James. This was so unfair. Remus sat down on the edge of the bed as the doctor attended the wounded man. Lily returned with the water and towels and in a few minutes the doctor had finished his work and stared at Remus over his half moon glasses. 'Let us be glad I was near. He didn't lose as much blood as we thought. I've sown his wound. With rest and good care he should be fine in a few weeks.' He was never a man of many words, but he was honest. If he said James would be alright, the duke was willing to believe. Remus let out a deep sigh and rested his head in the blankets. The doctor left an Remus hadn't realised he wasn't alone until the red haired made, Lily, he corrected himself, spoke.

'Who are you.' She whispered. Remus looked up, meeting a pair of piercing green eyes. He opened his mouth but didn't know what to say. He let his gaze wander off to her beautiful hands, dabbing James' forehead with a piece of cloth, drenched in cold water. 'You are him, aren't you.' There was a certainty in her voice that made Remus shiver. 'You have to be him. I remember the child. You are so much like him. You have to be him. Remus.' Hearing her speak out his name was one of the most beautiful things he had ever heard in his life. It had nothing to do with love but the way she had said it made him warm inside. Her voice had been understanding and caring and never before Remus had thought that there might exist outsiders in this world that wouldn't mind his true history. Over James' body she took his hand into hers and let her fingers follow the scars they found. 'I am so sorry for all you have gone through.' And in her eyes Remus saw nothing but truth and intelligence.  
Somehow she felt Remus had no idea what to say and she just smiled and fixed her gaze at the pale, unconscious man.

'He's really not that bad you know.' Remus whispered as his other hand rested on James' shoulder.  
'I know.' Lily smiled. 'Something with 'You never know what you had until it's gone', right?' And a finger carefully touched the untidy hair. 'He can just be _so..'_ She shook her head. 'Caring.' Remus completed her sentence. 'Intelligent. Fun. Protecting. Strong.' He knew his words were to convince her of his good as much as himself. How could he ever forgive himself. 'I always took him for granted. He was just _there_. It is as if only now, with the entire truth, I am able to realise he was so much more than a servant. He was my friend.' 'He _is_your friend.' Lily corrected him and she softly pinched his hand. 'He'll come through it, you'll see. As you said, he is strong.' She smiled at him and Remus smiled back.

It was right there he realised why James had never given up fighting for her. He just hoped he wouldn't give up now. Not now. For this fairy tale had a sudden twist in its ending. It was not done. Not yet.

.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.

_**Well. You all wanted Sirius to live. He lives. Happy now? But we aren't done yet!  
What happened to Peter? Will they catch him in time and make sure Sirius' freedom is guaranteed? But what should happen then. Remus has sworn to himself he won't let anything like this happen again, but Sirius can't go back home either. A Black sheep without a certain future..**_


	18. Update: Author's Note

A little Heads Up!

Got a review, repremanding me to finish this story. You are absolutely right! I am SO very sorry I forgot about this story!

After the weekend, I'll be updating.

My sincere apologies! I hope you can forgive me

Lots of love,

Beatlebug


	19. Wondering with Lily

**The end is getting near! Still so much to happen. So much to do!  
Thank you for all the reviews you've given so far. I absolutely love it and it lifts my writer spirit so much!  
To make it up to you for neglecting and stuff, a rather big chapter.  
This was contains a lot more Lily and some more insight on the history of Remus Lupin.**

**I know it took me forever to update this but I just couldn't get through. Blugh! **  
**This has to be one of the hardest chapters to write seeing it is one of those glue ones again before the last 3, the big finales. **  
**And I don't like endings *cries*.**

How was he even capable of thinking. Talking. Walking. To wonder how he would rule his land from now on.  
Things were so confusing. So messed up. There was a chance Sirius could get off, be a free man again. But there was still a fair chance he wouldn't be.  
Remus was relieved and yet so very confused.

They had to find Peter first, obviously. Apparently fifty people witnessing him confess his deed wasn't enough and the judges decided to wait until Peter was found.  
Remus could only hope they had the patience. If they grew thirsty for blood, Sirius would still be next on their list.  
And Remus doubted his status was secure enough at this moment to stop them once more. He could not stand the idea of losing Sirius again.  
Once was enough. No. Even once had been too much.

The hours had crept by, yet it had been almost an entire day since that horrible event.  
Peter, silly, chubby Peter, had killed 12 people and seriously wounded several more. No one would've thought the boy would be capable of that.  
And in all honesty, Remus still couldn't believe it. At least he knew Peter had not been acting on his own.  
It had been Orion Black, Sirius' father, who had plotted it all. But how did Peter get in touch with Orion? And why did he choose to betray his duke, his friends?  
Was he so weak a character that he would choose the one with most power, no matter what?

Remus groaned and pressed his hands against his head. He had to stop thinking. His brain would explode if he wouldn't.  
There was too much circling around. It made him dizzy. Rest. Definitely could do with some rest.

He collapsed onto his bed and buried his face in the fluffy pillows. It has been such a chaotic day.  
He had been so occupied with James, making sure he was alright and would live. He ran off and on to the bedroom to make sure the boy was still breathing.  
Once he even sat there for four straight hours, just holding his friend's hand, regretting every hateful word he had spoken to him.  
Reliving what turned out to be more painful than all the memories of that wretched night together. That had been out of his hands.  
But this. He had brought this upon them himself. Upon James. Why-

A loud noise startled Remus in the complete silence of his room. His intestines were starting to complain and rumble loud.  
He sighed deep as the rumbling continued, annoyed by his own fright.  
'Please.' Remus wined to his stomach. 'I can't keep everyone satisfied!'  
Was that really the cruel game God chose to play with him? First he'd suffer from friendship, then love.  
Then he would feel relieve and it would all end in starving to death?

For a moment it crossed his mind to dress up like a servant again and get his own food. But that did not work out that great the first time, did it.  
And he was quite sure there was a lot of doubt in the heart of Hogwarts, even amongst his own, loyal people. Besides, he was not that sure what loyal entailed.  
Not now Peter had betrayed him after all these years.  
They would surely grow suspicious if a man with the likings of Sir John Lupin, though skinnier and sicklier, would just happen to turn up midst rumors.  
Just what everyone suspected. It would be stupid to take the risk.  
So, wise as he hoped to be, he decided to wait one more day. If no one had turned up, breaking rules to do so, to feed their Duke, he'd go himself.

...0.

That night, when he was starting to feel nauseous from the lack of food, there was a loud knock on the door.  
It was a terrifying noise in the silent darkness with the few candles he had lit himself with a lost match.  
His fingers clenched the blankets of his bed as he focused on the noise.  
There was another knock and his heart shot through his chest. Why did they not just come in and kill him? Would that not be the easy way?

He held his breath as the handle of the door moved, ever so slowly. It creaked open and light from a well-lighted hallway seeped in.  
Remus was not sure what he expected. An unknown assassin? That man, that Fenrir Greyback?  
Whomever it could be, his eyes were locked on the ray of light, waiting in agony what would be revealed.

But there was no Fenrir Greyback. And no unknown assassin. It was a small foot that blocked most of its candle light.  
A skirt. A bodice. A large plate filled with food and, last but not least, a head surrounded by fiery, red hair and a face with piercing green eyes.  
It was Lily, an angel in disguise.

'I thought I'd find you hear, sir.' She smiled and put the plate on the small table by the window. It was stacked with fruit, cheese, bread and cold ham. 'My apologies for my delay. It was only just I realized that..' She fell silent and shrugged. Remus knew what she meant. No James. No Peter. No one allowed to come up here.  
'What I want to say is,' she continued, 'I was on my way to James and I thought you could do with some food. Sir.' She quickly added.

She did not blush, but it was clear she felt uncomfortable in the presence of the young Duke.  
She make a quick curtsey and turned made her way towards the door, her red hair waving around her shoulders as if the wind was playing with it.  
Apparently she had been too occupied to fix her hair the other maids did. Remus decided he liked it better his way.  
It reminded him of the young girl in his memories. Whom, he know recalled, had to be Lily. She was the only redheaded girl in his service.  
Running around with flowers in her hair. Chased by a tall man who, he now assumed, had probably been Harold Potter.  
That kind and loving man who had so much faith in Remus and his father, he had risked his life. But this was not the time to dwell on possible hatred.

Remus hastily rolled of the bed and sprinted towards Lily before she could leave, gently wrapping his fingers around her thin wrist.  
She spun around, facing him with those clever eyes. Kind eyes.  
'Could you stay? Please? I can do with some company.' His voice was so soft and close to fright.  
Perhaps it was stupid to put his trust in a mere stranger again so fast, but his mind was overflowing. Exploding.  
There was so much information, happiness and pain. He needed to share that with someone.  
To his pleasant surprise, Lily nodded and sat down on the chair Remus had taken from the opposite room a few hours ago.  
The empty space where the other one used to be seemed to remind him of the fight he and James had had a few days earlier. It hurt.

Remus sat down too and shove the plate a little towards Lily.  
'You must be hungry, too.'  
She tried to deny, as a proper maid probably should, but her stomach rumbled louder than Remus' had and they both laughed.  
She shrugged in an attempt to apologize and Remus grinned. She was funny. Intelligent and funny. And pretty. No wonder James liked her so much.  
She was quite his feminine equal. He did, however, sense she might not be ready to hear that just yet.  
Warming up to James did not mean jumping, head first, into a close friendship. Or more.  
So he held his tongue, eying the plate for what he would first satisfy his growling stomach with. And so did Lily.

Her slender fingers settled for a grape and she put it in her mouth . And so did Remus. They ate and drank in silence.  
She brought a large flask of wine as well, Gods be praised.  
The wine made him more bold and before he had time to think it over, Remus spilled out everything he could think off. Lily just sat and listened.  
At the stories of his nightmares, the Blacks, his fight with James. Even about Sirius. Everything about Sirius. _Everything_ about Sirius. And she did not seemed to mind.  
The more detailed his story got, the softer he spoke. And the softer he spoke, the closer Lily leaned.  
Not out of curiosity. Not to soak up every little bit of gossip like a hungry sponge. She listened.  
She absorbed his worries and his pain while they both ate until the last grape was gone.

When they had finished their meal, slightly intoxicated by the amount of wine on stomachs not entirely used to that, Lily took his hand in hers and stroked the scars with shaking fingers. She traced down every single thickened scar or silver line.

'I am so glad you told me.' She spoke, her voice thick and shaking at least as much as her fingers.  
'Why are you so nervous?' Remus asked. A stupid question. He had asked a simple maid to dine with him in the middle of this insane hurricane.  
She had no reason to trust him. But that turned out not to be the reason at all. It seemed to have slipped his mind there are two sides to every story.  
To his and hers as well.

'I am not nervous.' She smiled. 'It is just strange to see you.. alive.'  
That was not an answer Remus had expected and he frowned. Then he remembered the words she had spoken earlier that day.

_You have to be him. I remember the child. You are so much like him. You have to be him. Remus._

And she had been in his memory that day. He could recall the fond feeling in his stomach, seeing the girl running around, laughing. Would that mean..?

'We were friends?' He whispered, finishing his own thoughts.  
'Yes.' She smiled sadly. 'Inseparable. For as long as I can remember.' She fought hard to keep her tears from trickling down and succeeded. 'I tried to forget, you know. About you. About everything.'  
'Everything?' Remus asked and it was enough for Lily to know what he meant.  
'Interrogations were horribly. You must understand, I was one of the last people to see you alive. No one cared I was just a girl. They treated me as if I was as guilty as the man that.. did those things to you.' She took a large, last sip of her wine. 'As far as I knew or was concerned, I has lost a friend.'

'You never thought.. Suspected?' Remus asked. He could not believe a woman as clever and sharp as Lily would not notice something like that.  
'Of course I did. Quite often. It was the little things. Your voice. The way James spoke of you, more as of a friend than a duke. But I never tried to hope. I was devastated when you died. When I thought you had died. I could not bring up hope to be broken once again. You were the best friend I ever had, Sir. Remus.'  
'Do you think we could be friends, again?' He asked, knowing it was a weird question. But she just smiled.  
'Sure. We missed few years but hey. There is time.'  
'Is there?' Remus asked, his stomach twisting as he was sucked back into the now, realizing what was still going on.  
'There is.' She assured him. 'Let's have a look at James, shall we? The doctor said he's getting better quite fast.'

Remus smiled. At least there was one good person left in his life.

**There we are.**

**To be honest, I was about to make some very long chapters, but I decided to chop them up a bit. **  
**That way I can update for a little while longer. Thought you might enjoy that. You know.. So. **  
**Now I can honestly promise I will finish this story. And, get you the Notebook you so deserve! **  
**But still, I am looking for a good way to present it to you. Any ideas? Please let me know.**


	20. Through Bars

**It's getting harder and harder to keep writing. But I will. Promise. **

James cured fast to the doctor's surprised. Lily was hardly ever from his side and she took excellent care of him.  
Remus was with her quite often but sometimes, either early or just before bedtime, he was sure he could hear her gentle step in the hallway.  
He knew why, of course. It was the same kind of story he had experienced. Endured. She was in love. Truly in love.

He had been there to witness the moment James regained consciousness.  
The look on his face when he saw the red haired girl changing his bandages was something he'd never forget.  
How his pupils dilated. His breath hitched for a second. One of his hands moved a few inches towards hers on his head, to make sure it was real, but he never touched it.  
He did not speak. He did not even try to woo her with his usual, cocky catchphrases. He was just surprised. Speechless. Blossoming love, however, was undeniable.

Between James and Lily, that was of course. Remus refused to settle for anything less than Sirius. Not that he had a choice. Or a chance.  
Neither had years passed. It had been a mere few days since Sirius was saved from an untimely death. But it still burned in his heart with the intensity of the sun.  
They did not talk about it. Both of them knew wounds, either literally or figuratively, were still too fresh.  
James knew why _he_ refused to talk about the feared subject. He did not want to provoke Remus into making mistakes again.  
Into realizing how much he would miss being loved and that he might never get a chance to do so. For the rest of his miserable life.

Little did he know that Remus had had this same thought over the past few days since James had woken up. Again and again and again.  
There was still a bit of reckless left in his hurt soul. A bit of stupidity, for that matter. He could feel it boil deep within.  
He knew he could never forgive himself if he did not talk to Sirius one last time.  
Just so they would not be parted in anger and fighting. Just one more time.

They smelled bad as he pulled them out of their hiding. Really, really bad.  
They had been tucked away in a bottom drawer of his closet, smelling of his sweat and whatnot. Sirius', probably.  
They hadn't been cleaned since.. Well. That last night.  
In the light of a candle, it was so early it was still dark, he put on the smelly shirt and trousers. James'.  
In the darkness and silence of the sleeping castle he snuck down the hallway, the staircases and past the servants quarters.  
Despite the fact he had been living in his own quarters for most of his memories, he could walk blindly throughout the entire castle.  
He had found maps in the library, he loved maps, and studied them so much he could dream them. James and Peter even helped him update some of them.

It was way too easy to sneak in past the sleeping men guarding the prison, he'd have James reprimand them for that, and into the dark and freezing corridor.  
Was this where they kept Sirius? Were they hoping he'd freeze to death before he'd get a proper chance to defend himself or for the soldiers to find Peter?  
He had been able to get Sirius out of the servant quarters. Out of the dungeon was a completely different situation. And the darkness!  
There was just a small beam of moonlight, it was the full, and it blinded him in the dark room.  
A voice broke through the darkness before he had a chance to locate the attached body.

'You can't be here!' It hissed from darkness behind thick, iron bars. 'I won't talk to you. Go away!'  
'I can't.' Remus whispered, grabbing hold of the bars from behind which the voice arose. He tried to glare into darkness, force himself to see something.  
But there was nothing but darkness. 'I may never see you again. Sirius. I love you.'  
'Don't say that.' Sirius growled refusing to come any closer or speak up in case someone would hear.  
'Please.' Remus begged. 'After this I will leave. But just look at me once more. Then I'll leave. I will never think about you again I need to talk to you. I love you. I love you!'  
His plea was met with silence.  
It was quiet for quite some time and Remus had to gather all his courage to continue.  
' I know you sacrificed a lot to keep me safe. Your life was at stake, for God's sake. You have no idea what that meant to me. If I go now, with the knowledge I might never talk to you again and without knowing you forgave me, my life would be worthless.'

That finally triggered a reaction. Sirius shot forward until his face almost touched the iron bars and his fierce, silvery eyes made Remus shiver.  
It had not gone unnoticed Sirius had almost wrapped his fingers around Remus' hands.  
It was in the last second, not even a second, before the actual touching that the hands had grabbed the iron bars instead of soft skin. It hurt.  
'Forgive you? For what?'  
'Everything' Remus mumbled.  
'You are not to be blamed for anything. This was my choice.'  
'Not to get tortured like this.'  
'You've suffered a lot more.' Sirius disagreed. 'I could prevent harm being done by taking the blame. And the pain. And I did so gladly. For you.'  
'Because you love me?' Remus' voice shivered. Why was he crying. Weak. Sirius was quiet for a while but eventually nodded.  
'Because I love you.' He answered.  
'And you forgive me?'

The corner of Sirius' mouth twitched in annoyed yet entertained smile. Remus was sure he'd never meet another person capable of that.  
'Keeping in mind that I find this utterly ridiculous and you are a melodramatic mutt, whatever you need my forgiveness for, forgiven.'  
'Melodramatic.' Remus snorted. 'You almost got killed. Sure. No need to be dramatic about that.'  
His sober response, so calm and relaxed midst all the chaos made Sirius' eyes twinkle.  
Something Remus regretted instantly, it made it so much harder to part from that beautiful man behind the bars.  
In ragged clothes, smelling very unlike the gardens he used to work and hair all messed and tangled. And yet still so very beautiful.

'But you must go now.' Sirius continued. 'If they find you here and recognize you.. Well. I fear there is nothing either you, me or James can do. We'll hang.'  
'I wouldn't mind. At least all my pain will be over.' Remus sighed but Sirius grabbed his wrist. The look in his eyes was fierce, but not in a cruel way.  
'It would be a poor way to repay me won't you think?'  
'That sounds like something I'd say.' Remus sulked. Had he completely lost his mind?  
Wasn't he supposed to be the wise one, the clever one. Now James and Sirius were keeping him in line. That was just ridiculous.  
What was this world going to? Upside-downiness?  
'I suffered for you, Remus.' His name was like a prayer, coming from that velvet mouth. 'Because I love you.' Velvet. Honey. Whatever. H  
e could feel his knees weaken. 'Because I did not want to endanger you. Do you really want to make that useless actions? If not, live your life and be a good Duke to your people. As you were before.' And back to earth.

Remus could find no words to describe the mixture of emotions fighting a war in his tummy. The loning, the aching and regret.  
He knew it was true. It would be very ungrateful to let everything Sirius had done for him be in vain.  
Yet it seemed unfair of him to expect Remus to act as if nothing had happened.  
Lost in thought it took a while to realize a hand caressed his cheek and wiped away a lonely tear.

'Please don't cry.' Velvet and honey. See. 'If you ever feel sad about what happened.. That we can not be together. Think about the good time. Our first kiss. Our first.. other things.' He grinned cheekily and Remus chuckled. 'Ah, good. You can still laugh. I promise you, Remus. When this is all over and I get out alive, I will never love another. Never truly.'  
'Neither will I. Never truly.'  
'Good.' Sirius sighed, leaning his forehead against the bars. Remus had to gather every piece of restrained left in hos body not to touch the curls or kiss the skin.  
It would not make things better. Not. Listen to yourself, Remus. Not.  
'Now go.' The black-haired boy continued, eyes closed. 'And please don't do anything extremely stupid.'  
'Like what.'  
'Like naming your firstborn Sirius, or something. They might think it was me whom impregnated you.' As if planned to cause extra drama to the words, he opened his eyes at the last word and his grey eyes pierced through Remus' soul. He could feel his stomach flip and he broke out in nervous laughter.  
'Sirius.' He said, voice breaking from laughter to tears. 'Please give me one more kiss?'  
'Oh God.' Sirius voice was barely more than a shaky whisper. 'I thought you'd never ask.'

And there it happened. The move they missed out on a few minutes earlier. Hands, strong and rough, slid over the slender and soft ones on cold, iron bars.  
They moved forward in the moonlight as if it was a novel, something women would read. Not all women. But some.  
He could feel Sirius' hot breath on his cold skin. Remus imaged it was the other way around as well. It was, apparently.  
'You are a very welcome piece of heat in this wretched dungeon, I must say.' Sirius whispered.  
'You are impossible.' Remus whispered back and laughed as Sirius made a shocked face.

It was a sign of strong personality to be able to make jokes in a cold and hated situation as this. Not knowing whether you'd live or die.  
The only assurance that you'd never see the love of your life again. That you'd never touch them again. But that was a thought for later.  
Right now, every single thought and worry got banned from Remus' lips as cold and trembling lips pressed themselves against his in the best kiss he would ever remember. Remus was trembling like mad as well. Both of them knew the cold was not to blame for that. It was the tension. Hunger and need.  
The kiss ended way too fast. Yet just at the right time.

This was it. He knew this was the end. This look and this joke, a kiss and a touch was what he would always take with him in his heart. His little souvenir.  
The best memory of Sirius. A goodbye without falling out, fighting or regret over things that did not happen. It was good like this.

Without further ado, he rose from his knees as did Sirius. Remus backed up towards the guards, still sleeping.  
Sirius backed away until he completely disappeared in the shadows of his cell. It had something oddly magical, dark.  
It was a perfect ending to a not so perfect lovestory.

When Sirius was completely absorbed into darkness, Remus turned on his heels and made his way back to his chambers.  
Without his consent, tears started rolling down his cheeks. Wiping them away with his sleeve impatiently, he noticed the footsteps coming his way too late.  
In fact, he did not notice them until someone took a firm grip of his wrist.

'Who the devil are you.' A gruff voice spoke and Remus' head shot up to find the gardener staring at him.

**There. New chapter almost done so I hope I won't keep you waiting for too long.  
Sorry for the mistakes and grammar stuff. English is not my first language and I am too impatient to take on a beta. My sincere apologies!**


	21. Pieces of Parchment

**I know, I know. It took me forever. I'm very ashamed and I will make it up to you.  
Promise!**

'I..I'.' Remus stuttered. How was he going to save himself from this trouble?  
'Are you a friend of his?' The man asked, nodding towards the cell. 'How did you get in the castle?'  
This was not the kind of man that would les Remus get off without a fuzz.  
Remus, however, was so startled and confused that all that remained of his brain had left the building as well.  
He had no idea what to say. If there was a God, he clearly had had it with Remus' recklessness. And he had every right to be.  
Remus wasn't exactly impressed with himself either, right now. To say the least.

'What is your name, boy!' The man's grip tightened around his arm and woke Remus from his frustrated train of thoughts.  
'Neil!' Remus squeaked, thanking former mentioned God that at least he had been capable of remembering that much.  
He glanced over his shoulder, fearing Sirius would be staring through the bars of his cell, witnessing everything.  
There was nothing but darkness. Remus wasn't sure whether he was glad Sirius wasn't there or a little more heartbroken to not see a face longing to save him.

'I think I've seen you around.' The man huffed and Remus froze. When? How?  
'Either way, you should know it's not allowed to snoop around the castle. That's a whipping.'  
'_What?!'  
_The man turned and bowed towards Remus (which was impressive seeing the man wasn't that tall) until their noses almost touch.  
'Don't play fool with me, boy. Servants, common ground servants, are not allowed to sneak around at night.  
Especially not in the dungeons, visiting dangerous murderers and traitors! So unless you prefer I inform the duke, that'll be a whipping!'  
'No!' Remus struggled with all his might. It was hardly any use. The short, old man was so much stronger.  
His fingers dug in the boy's arm and Remus could feel a prickling feeling in his neck. _Oh no.  
_There was no use fighting in. He was starting to get familiar with this feeling and his hunch got fact when he felt his knees give in.

_'You don't really think I'm letting you go, do you?' He grinned, revealing fowl teeth and stroking rough fingers against the soft cheeks..  
'You are such a cute little playt hing.' A dirty hand closed around the boy's throat, holding a strong grip. He struggled and tried to kick the man.  
In one attempt he succeeded and hit the man hard between his legs. 'Oh,that's not very nice.' The man grunted. 'You should be punished for behaviour like that.'  
He turned the boy around and pressed his chest to a large tree. With a piece of rope he tied him tight against the bark and took a step back.  
The young boy was shivering and clenched his eyes shut, afraid of what pain was next to come.  
There was a crackling sound in the air and the boy cried deafening when something hit his back._

_'This is a little gift for your father.' Many more strokes followed until the boys hang in the ropes, nearly unconscious. H  
is eyes tried to focus on a trampled tiara of hurt flowers. Gift.._

'NO!' He screamed at the top of his longs before he could stop himself and his head hit the ground when he fell down.  
Leaving the older man frowning beside him. It must have been quite the sight. Remus lying on the ground whilst the man was still holding his hand.  
It made the man look like an overgrown boy carrying around and equally oversized ragdoll.

'What the hell..' The man mumbled, shaking the boy's arm. Without effect.

'FILCH!' A voice echoed through the dungeons, startled both the man, Filch apparently, and Remus.  
The first so startled he let go of the latter. Causing the latter to ungraciously slam to the floor with the remaining limbs that hadn't done that yet.  
It left him looking at an upside-down dungeon in which the owner of the voice came stomping towards them.  
'Neil. What a coincidence. I was just looking for you.' A boy with black hair and glasses now stood before him, staring down at the pile of limbs on the cold, stone floor.  
'Got lost in the castle, mate? You'll get used to that.'  
James. An unruly haired, godsent gift. With a smile that perfectly covered up whatever it was he was thinking,  
he wrapped his fingers around Remus' wrist and with one firm pull, he pulled him back to his feet.

'You know this kid?' The gardener huffed, still a bit taken aback by the extreme response the boy had given him.  
He had disciplined many servants over the year and none of them had gone this freaked out over it. Something was amiss.  
'Of course I do.' James answered, leaning on a walking stick. It made him look sophisticated. And old. ' It's my cousin, Neil Potter.'  
'And what exactly is this _Neil Potter_ doing in the castle?'  
'What do you think?' James spoke again, less patience in his voice this time. He did not appreciate that the gardener took his answers in doubt.  
No matter how right he was. 'I can't do all mine, Peter's _and_ Sirius' chores altogether now, can I. So I asked Neil to help me out with some of the basic stuff.'  
What a savior.  
'He's skinny.' The gardener complained. Remus felt a sting of insult. He was not _that _skinny.  
'_I´m _skinny. Or did you just miss how impressively I lifted this gut from the ground? Now, if you don't mind, we've spilled enough time with this clog head getting lost.'  
He patted Remus on the head.

The first minutes of walking hallways were painful. Remus was ashamed and James not unnoticeably annoyed. It was him who broke the silence.

'Could we stop this, please? I'm growing tired of bumping into you when I least expect it.'  
'I'm sorry.' Remus muttered and he wondered whether he had ever meant another excuse more.  
'He wanted to whip me.' His lips ghosted.  
'He's a foolish old man.' James groaned.

Remus was quiet for a while.  
'Do you think I deserved it?'  
'Well. He never would've done it had he known who you were. And you've probably suffered enough. But frankly.  
Had you been a servant and all of this had happened, you'd seriously deserve it for your stupidity.'  
There was a hint of laughter in James' voice, but there was a hint of truth and sincerity as well.  
'Dressing up in your own quarters, alright. But walking straight towards Sirius with all the rumors around, not very clever.'

'I wish he had whipped me.' Remus growled. 'I could use someone beating some common sense into my head again.  
You know, once I considered myself a stable, ingenious and intelligent man. Lately I'm not so sure.'  
'Love's got your brains in a twist, apparently.'  
'Love can pack its bags.' Remus mumbled as they finally reached his room. ' I'm through with it. We said our goodbyes and though it wasn't as perfect as I hoped it would be, it's done. I'd like my brain back now.' He slammed the door closed behind him.

He started pulling of his vest while James picked him clean (fancier) clothes.  
The bath had been prepared before James realized Remus had gone missing once more but the water was still warm enough for Remus to enjoy.  
He washed off the smell of the dirty clothes. Because by now they really had gone incredibly dirty and smelly.  
That drop on the dungeon floor hadn't improved that.

He practically felt newborn when he buttoned up his silk vest and quickly brushed his still wet hair.  
Looking in the mirror he stared at the face that had so recently found and lost love. It had changed. Matured.  
He was no longer just a young duke. His eyes were grave.  
There were thin stressed lines around his mouth and he was sure he could see his first grey hair shimmering in the sunlight.  
He had changed. He really had.

Was this the moment of a new start? Was this the first realization of his life without love?  
Was this man in the mirror what he would have to stare at for the rest of his life?  
Dressed in the finest clothes and best shoes, smelling of whatever fancy stuff James decided to throw in his tub that day.  
But with eyes that felt sorrow, regret and loss. He sighed deeply when he adjusted his well fitted sleeves.

A knock in the door made him abandon the mirror and stare at James in surprise. The surprise grew when the door opened and someone made his way in.  
Or her way, actually. Both of them sighed in relieve when the slim figure of Lily walked in but their relieve quickly faltered when they saw the frown on her pretty face.  
She handed James a small roll of parchment. It was sealed with a fancy red dot. Though it hadn't been opened yet, Lily's face betrayed she knew what was in it.  
She, however, refused to look at Remus and left when the piece of paper was safe in James' hands.

Both boys, or was it men by now, stared at each other. They could feel it. The tension.  
As if the piece of paper held a magic spell that could either safe them or kill them.  
'Open it.' Remus whispered.  
'Don't you want to..?' James started, reaching his hand out to Remus but the latter shook his hand.  
'No. You read it first.' For he was quite sure he couldn't take more bad news. He'd ad least need something to ease it in for him.

With shaking hands James broken the seal and his eyes quickly took in all the words.  
When he reached the end of the letters he let out a shaky sigh and closed his eyes.  
'What does it say?' Remus' voice was hardly more than a sigh, afraid that whatever was in that letter would break the remaining few shards of heart he had still left.  
But when James looked up with a hint of hope in his eyes, he could feel a heat rise up in his stomach.  
'What does it say.' Remus repeated, louder this time.  
James broke out in nervous laughter.

'Peter has been found.' He sighed. 'Peter has been found and he confessed everything.'

**There we go! Just two more chapters to go and this'll be over!  
Does anyone have an idea how to put the diary online? 'Cause I still haven't got a clue!**

**Reviews are very welcome. If I still deserve them with my horrible delays..**


	22. Last Revelations?

**Hi guys! Here we are again, ready for the last chapters of Dukes & Servants. I realize it took me over three years to start and finish that story and I should be ashamed!  
Good thing I know now, that writing several stories at the same time just won't work for me. So it's the last three chapters of Dukes & Servants all the way now!**

I hope it still makes sense. I had to re-read the entire thing to make sure I was still on track.  
(Oh, and for those of you who read Atticted, I love how different James is in this one!)

One more thing; It was very, very hard to write the courtcase so please forgive me. I'm aware not everything might be correctly time-related or make any sense at all. But let's just pretend it is, kay?

_4 days later__****_

As it appeared, James had sent out an extended search party the moment Peter had ran off. Even before he had run up to find Remus, stabbed and all. They had search _everywhere_ and eventually found him in a sewer like a scared little rat, close to Black Manor.  
it hadn't taken much, or any torture to extract the truth from him. Remus was glad to hear. It didn't make up for all the trouble, though that was a small word, Peter had caused. But at least of showed it had been fear, not loyalty, that had made him spill the information.  
Of course he could never trust Peter again. The man would never have a place in his household or realm again if he would survive this. But Remus felt that he could forgive him is everything turned out for the best. Some people were weak at heart, after all. Not everyone possessed the strength Sirius, and in some cases James and even Lily, had shown.

Oh, Sirius. It was with heavy heart Remus realized there would no longer be place for Sirius after this either. It was too risky. And after saying goodbye this many times, Remus wasn't sure he could take another go at it. But knowing Sirius had nowhere to didn't make it any easier. He couldn't go back to his family.  
Remus could still thank James for the advice he had given when they received the note about Peter's captivity.

They had a long, hard talk about all of what was going on. They discussed the previously mentioned matter of Sirius and how he couldn't stay. With James' knowledge about these matters, thanks to his father, they worked out an arrangement they would disguise as an reimbursement. A fair amount of money, giving Sirius the chance to afford a house and live a comfortable life for quite some time. After all, Sirius had to start somewhere until he could find a way to provide for himself. A good marriage, probably. And seeing there was no chance that would be Remus, he preferred to make sure he did all he could to give him a good life.

There it was again. That knot in his stomach. He _knew_ this couldn't be, but it kept screaming at him that it should. No matter how often he told it there was no such thing as a happy ending for the two of them. He'd have to find a wife. Have children. He would lead a life Sirius could no longer be a part of. With every flash of thought he was convinced he'd soon reach a point where he could no longer absorb any new information. His head was spinning when it tried to keep track of all that had happened. Sirius was supposed to be killed. Then he wasn't. But then Peter escaped and no one knew if he would be a free man again. Now Peter had been found. And Sirius _could_ be free again. Alive and hopefully not too broken. He glanced outside the window and gazed upon the gallows. But trouble wasn't over again. Someone had to die. And it would be soon.

***

He had spent hours looking outside, reminiscing about all the moment he had either seen or talked with Sirius about it, before a knock on the door interrupted his thoughts. To his pleasant surprise it had been James without a cane but _with _Lily, that had come to bring him lunch. She quietly placed a can of fresh water on his bedside table and excused herself once she was sure James was sitting and wouldn't fall over.

They sat in silence for a while, while Remus ate. He had offered James to share but the man proudly smiled Lily had already made him dinner. It made Remus glow inside, glad at least one of them would have love once this was all over. When he finally placed his fork beside his plate, the air grew thick with anticipation. Where should he start? There were so many things Remus wanted to say. Apart from the official matters concerning Sirius and Peter, they hadn't had a chance to talk. There were apologies to be made and questions to ask.  
'James..' Remus started carefully but was immediately silenced.  
'Don't sir. Don't apologize.'  
'But I've behaved awful.'  
'You haven't. Trust me.'  
'But-'  
'Hush. We'll kiss and make up later. There's more pressing matters at hand.'  
Remus snorted but felt that same glow rush through his stomach again. If James could make a joke like that in a time like this, their friendship wasn't lost forever.  
'Will you tell me what these pressing matters are?'  
James nodded and handed him a piece of paper that apparently had been in his hand this entire time. The seal hadn't been broken yet, but it showed James had been out and working fully again. It was a formal message with the court's seal and James was the only person allowed to accept anything personal in Remus' name.

With trembling fingers Remus broke the seal and read the formal yet short message in an elegant hand. It was a notification of Peter's trial, shortly followed by not only Sirius', but Orion's and Fenrir's as well. It contained the date of said trials. It was today. It was now.  
'What do you say we save some asses and lock up those who _do_ deserve it?' James said and this time it wasn't a joke.  
'I haven't even been consulted on this.' Was all Remus could stutter, though he often wasn't. Not if there was enough proof and James could speak on the Duke's accord, which he had done on so many occasions before where there was no doubt whether someone was guilty or not and there was no use to bother the Duke with such an obvious verdict.  
'You've had enough on your mind lately. And it was all a very obvious case.' James said, giving Remus' thoughts a voice. 'I ask you, sir, though it may not be easy. Trust me on this one.'  
Remus shook his head.  
'You have my complete trust. I don't think you ever really lost it.'  
James smiled and pulled Remus in for a quite hug. Remus was glad with the informal gesture.  
'Let's go.' James mumbled and they left.

**There. Short one, I know. But this seemed like a good moment to cut it off. There will be about three more chapters with a loooong ending. And there was some promising of a diary… Promise that one will be there waiting for you, too!**


	23. With Court

**First of all, thanks to RavenclawWitch18 for the extended review! Those absolutely make it worth updating again!**

**Second; it was really hard to write these trials without having them be 10.000 pages long. But I tried and think I succeeded.**

**Third; My apologies for the ending of this chapter beforehand. Don't hate me. I beg of you.**

They were late. The courtroom benches were full of muttering people. Even fuller than they had been with Sirius' first trial. Peter had already been brought in, awaiting his trial with a pale face and shaking limbs. The heavy chains clasped around his wrists didn't suit him. Remus still couldn't see him as a criminal. Sure, the boy had never been his best friend but they had practically grown up together and he _had_ occasionally enjoyed his company.  
It was a short trial but, as Remus had feared, with a hard outcome. Peter repeated his entire confession to James, which was so detailed about the communication between him and Orion Black that there was no doubt it was true. It was clear that it was him that had betrayed Remus. Nevertheless he had to swallow away his tears as Peter was sentenced to death, fainted and dragged away. People tried to attack him but Remus shouted to leave him be. The people, shocked by the unnatural outburst, returned to their places as the unconscious servant was dragged from the courtroom.

There was a short break. Remus guessed for the constables to fetch Sirius. While waiting, he could still see the look of Peter's face. It raced through his head over and over again. He had faced so many trials, but little this severe and even fewer had led to death. Now, it was the second time in a matter of days that someone close to him had been sentenced to death. Even if one of them came of the hook.  
'Excuse me.' Remus mumbled and almost bumped into James, who had returned behind the curtain to see if Remus was okay, and made his way through the door behind them. He held onto his stomach as a thick stream of lunch exited his mouth. It ungracefully clattered on the floor of the empty hall.  
'Oh, sir.' James mumbled. Remus hadn't seen him come in. He stroked Remus' back to comfort him. He gagged twice more before pulling a handkerchief from his pocket and blowing his nose.  
'I'm fine.' He swallowed. 'I'm fine.'

When they quietly closed the door behind them and Remus turned around to sit down again, his stomach got another twist. Though this time there was nothing left to throw up. Sirius had already been brought in, shackled and all in the same stall Peter had been in before. He looked terrible.  
He was skinnier than before, his hair without its flair and his face without its smile. He had changed since Remus had last seen him in the dungeon. Or had the light been so bad that his mind played games to puzzle a face together that he knew? There were a couple of scratches on his arms and face he was sure Sirius hadn't made himself. Hadn't he made it back safe through the crowd after all? It was possible that not everyone was immediately convinced of his innocence.

Remus wondered why no one seemed to start the case yet, though that question was answered soon enough as the doors opened again and four constables walked in. Each pair of them holding a shackled man in their middle. Both of them were walking straight and proud. One because he was sure this could not be and he could probably buy his way out of this. The other because he couldn't care less.  
Both of them were placed and chained in similar stalls as Sirius, but the latter refused to look at them and just stared at his hands. Remus however did and it was the man on the far left that made him feel like he would pass out himself if it hadn't been for James' calming hand on his shoulder.

'He can do you no harm.' James whispered and that's when Remus realised why the man had  
triggered such negative feelings.

_The ropes cut his pale skin. Tears. The child was crying. _'Please let me go. Please.' _He pleaded. But he was shown no mercy. Sharp nails grasped the skinny arm and broke through the skin. The little boy whined and hang in the ropes as blood trickled down his pale flesh… __'Please.'_

Remus noticed he held his breath. The man could do him no harm, James was right, but it was as if every cell in his body relived its pain. It was actually the first time he saw the man who did all this to him such a clear way. He was close to fainting. Luckily the man was so far to the left that facing the judges made him disappear from his sight. With a bit of luck, Remus wouldn't have to give the man another look ever again.

James had been right about the entire court case, too. It was a mere formality. They had confessions from both Peter, Sirius, James and several other witnesses on paper. But still it was biting Remus' nerves like a bitch. What if one of them started denying? What if Sirius still had in mind that it would somehow still be a better plan to plead guilty?

From behind a curtain, though Remus didn't know why that even mattered any more, he gazed upon the event. The rumours were just too accurate and making sense not to be believed. There would always be a few people that would still believe Sirius was guilty. But James' words still echoed through his mind. _Trust me._ And he had, despite all, decided to trust the man.  
He saw how James limped from behind the curtains and took place in front of the judges and crowd as well as the accused. He took a scroll one of the judges handed them and unfolded it.

'We have gathered here today to review the case of Sirius Black, formerly accused of betrayal. I, James Harold Potter, will speak in his favour on behalf of Duke Remus Lupin of Hogwarts.'  
There was a rumouring in the hall. Remus understood perfectly why. He, the Duke himself, was defending a man that had previously been accused of treason _towards_ him? That proof _had_ to be good. James continued his speech.

'We are led to believe he did all of this to protect any further investigation towards Duke Remus Lupin of Hogwarts. There was threat from his family, that if the formerly accused not took blame, they would harm everyone he met and cared for in the castle, namely Lily Evans, Neil Rumpus and myself, James Potter. All of this was confirmed by Peter Pettigrew, former servant of Duke Remus Lupin of Hogwarts. We plea for Sirius Black to be cleared of all charges.'

Remus knew what would come now. And he was right. The judges moved towards Sirius and started asking their questions.  
'And what do you have to say about this?'  
Sirius quickly shot a glare at James, whom nodded.  
'It is true, your honor.' Sirius nodded. 'I've never agreed with my family when it comes to politics. I completely agree with sir Remus Lupin of Hogwarts' reign and would've gladly given my life to save his.'  
'What proofs that they would not have continued their plan after your death?'  
There was a short silence as both Sirius and Remus seemed to realize that flaw. There was none. Absolutely none. Now, it all just seemed like a perfect way to get Sirius out of the way.  
'I see it was not a foolproof plan.' Sirius admitted with a frown. 'But at least I'd die, knowing that I did all I could to prevent any harm coming to the Duke of Hogwarts or any close to him. And I'd be willing to do that all over again. Though preferably not right now.' He joked and a tiny smile crept up on Remus' face. He could never not love that man. Whatever happened.  
'Right.' The judge nodded and the one next to him made a few notes. Then he motioned towards James again. 'Continue.'

'Due to proof Peter Pettigrew delivered in the form of letters and matter of payment in goods, both Orion Black and Fenrir Greyback have been arrested to have committed treason against the Duke of Hogwarts. The blame that has formerly fallen upon Sirius Black turned out to be their plans and their treason. Peter Pettigrew has been paid for his cooperation in jewelry and goods that clearly come from the Black Manor.  
'Stolen!' Orion Black tried to interfere but both James and the judges ignored him.  
'_From the Black Manor_.' James repeated. 'Those have been examined by experts and confirmed by Sirius Black to be Black heirlooms. Besides that, there are several letters found between both Orion Black, Peter Pettigrew and Fenrir Greyback about the matter at hand. There have also been found letters between Orion Black and Fenrir Greyback about the attack on a servant boy eight years ago. Beside those crimes, seven more offences have come forward and all were confessed by mister Greyback.'

James went on for a while to repeat all that Peter had been confessed to earlier and all the proof both the judges and he himself had seen. Then he bowed and excused himself, left the scroll with the judges and disappeared behind the curtain to comfort Remus again. Remus, by now, had a pale grey color and was sure he had never been this nervous before in his life.  
'No need to worry, sir.' James assured him. 'This has all been discussed before. It's a mere formality.'  
They looked at the judges re-reading the scroll and muttering before they asked the crowd, now having their own little judgmental moment, back to order.

'We have gathered here to review the case around Sirius Black. We believe it to be proven he acted to protect our Duke, Remus Lupin the first of Hogwarts, from his family and no guilt is to be placed upon him. He shall be a free man come the morning. He will be kept in custody for tonight to sign a final confession in the morning.'  
They coughed as they read another piece of paper that they had had in front of them all along.  
'Apart from that, there has been done some research on the matter of heritage. As it turns out, the Black family handled the way they did, to get hold of the Hogwarts grounds once again. According to the family tree, Sirius Orion Black is the first official heir in line will Remus come to die. This weighs in our verdict towards Sirius Black.'  
Remus swallowed. They were not going to turn the verdict back, just when they said he was innocent, were they! But James, squeezing his shoulder, told him to listen.  
'Though he will not be allowed on what was formerly the Gryffindor estate until duke Remus Lupin of Hogwarts comes to pass, he will be formerly reinstated as heir and stand under direct protection of duke Remus Lupin of Hogwarts. Any crime against Sirius Orion Black will be punishable by law. He will inherite the Black Manor and live there until he is called upon his duties to become Duke of Hogwarts.'  
He slammed his hammer and Remus let out a shaky breath. That was amazing. That was so weird! He looked up at James who had a proud smile on his face. Remus wondered how much convincing it had taken him to have the judges agree to this. But it was all correct. Sirius had been the heir to Hogwarts if Remus would come to die. And with everyone knowing, he could never openly try to kill Remus again. It would be too obvious. It was perfect.

Remus looked at Sirius and he was sure Sirius was looking back at him. He wished he could rip apart the curtains. To fully look upon Sirius one last time and to make sure he could look at him once more. A kiss would've been even better. But he knew there was no chance that would happen ever again. At least the man would be free. They'd never see each other again but he would be free to live a normal life. Have other servants, probably. Live the life an heir openly should and could. And if he was not mistaken, Orion Black would be sentenced to death and there would be no one left to play these fowl tricks with Sirius again. He would be a free man.. Though there was nothing they could ever do together again. Remus realized that fully well. But perhaps there was a tiny chance they'd get to exchange letters about formal situations. And then he would at least have Sirius' handwriting to keep him company..

All he could do now was watch and listen as both Fenrir Greyback and Orion Black were sentenced to death. To watch how a boy so similar to Sirius dragged away their mother, whom none of them would ever see again, and the look on Sirius' face that showed he fully well realized he might never see any of them again as well.

There was so much confusion in that moment, so much pain. And when the constables brought Sirius back to his cell for the night, no one was calling him names. There was no throwing or clawing or scratching. They just stared at him in awe, as amazed about the possibility of a goodhearted Black as James was that very first day they met. Sirius turned his head once more but it was clear he didn't expect to see more than a curtain. With that last look of grey eyes, Remus could feel his heart break all over again. They would never see each other again.

***

He was sitting on his bed with his hands folded in his lap. All his thoughts were with Sirius right now. Alone and locked up in his cell for one last night. Now officially the heir to the man he once loved. Remus could only wish with all his heart that things would go easier from now on. It had been a very disturbing few months. He was quite sure more had happened than the rest of his life together. Including the accident. It would take some time for his heart to fully heal. He knew that. But he'd find a suitable wife. They would have children and they would give him a purpose in life again. He would love them to death and they would remove Sirius' heritage. They'd all be safe then. Sirius would have a wife of his own, children of his own. There would be a full line of heirs again on both sides and all of them would be good and just people. Everything would be okay. Remus was sure that if he would repeat that to himself often, he'd finally believe it.

He woke up from his thoughts as a door slammed behind him. It was James, looking grim. The man walked over towards the window and stared down at Sirius as Remus had done before.  
'They all know the truth, whether they believe it or not, it will only be a matter of time before riots will break out and I can't go through that once more. Peter has spoken. Sirius is a free man again and in my opinion, he deserves to live a normal life. And that can happen now. He is locked up safe. People believe his innocence and Orion's guilt. All that happens tonight can still be blamed on his betrayal. As a last plan that succeeded before he will executed in the morning.'  
James backed away from Remus and walked towards the fireplace.  
'I don't understand.' Remus said, scared by this odd behaviour. But James grabbed a branch from the fireplace, causing burning wood to roll from the furnace onto the carpet that caught fire immediately.

'You must die.'

**So.. Yeah. Just promise me you'll finish reading, alright?**


	24. Mourning Morning

**Pre-last chapter! I thought it would be nice to put in a little something to show how much more James is involved in than just being the servant you've seen mostly in this story. And well, with Remus gone it had to be from someone's point of view, right?**

It was a morning of death. News spread early to inform everyone who wanted to know about the untimely passing of one of the three convicts. Peter Pettigrew. Though no one mentioned or seemed to know about the glass of water and a small vile with a potion strong enough to put him in a sleep he'd never wake from again. Simply because no one saw who brought it in and no one saw it being taken away again. Either way, Peter Pettigrew had avoided his execution and was buried straight away to avoid further questioning. There had been enough trouble as it was. And there would be even more..

That news was soon followed by the expected execution. A large crowd had formed around the collar on which two, no longer three, people were stood. The man everyone recognized as Orion Black and the man everyone now knew was Fenrir Greyback. But this time no one came to stop the execution. No one wanted these two traitors to live. At least no one with the power and evidence to make it stop. And this time, no one was looking from a window in wear, living a hidden life. Though no one cared for that was news and death they hadn't heard of yet..

***

James was seated in a small room, lit by candles. He was surrounded by three men. A judge, a notary and a lawyer. Their faces grim and looks pinned on several documents sprawled across the table.

'Are we sure there is no other way.' The judge asked. 'The timing is not optimal.'  
'He _has_ been cleared of all charges.' The notary noted.  
'Well, yes. _Yesterday._ A mere week ago he was to be hanged. Do we want a man like that in control of us all? Are you truly convinced he could lead our country as fair and just as others have done before him?'  
'He is a good man.' James said and all faces averted towards him. 'I have firsthand experience in working with him. He is a good and just man and would never harm those he is responsible for.'  
'Yet you allowed him to be hanged.'  
'Because the evidence was overwhelming and I believe in a just legal system. But it did not leave me untouched and neither was I convinced by my incorrect judgment.'  
'It that enough? He is still a Black.' The lawyer asked with a frown.  
'Well.' The notary raised his eyebrows and stared at the man. 'I guess it was not fair of any of us to doubt his heart just because of his name. Not all of us have the privilege to be a Shacklebolt.'  
The lawyer laughed and bared his white teeth. They lit up in his dark face that was inclined to fall into the shadows of the barely lit room.  
'You got me there. I say we bring him in and question him, Tonks.' Shacklebolt agreed.  
'I think we can honestly say that if James Potter can no longer be trusted, our land is doomed.' The man named Tonks nodded.  
'I'll go get him.' James nodded as he walked towards the door. He hoped no one saw the little smirk on his face when the word trust fell. When his hand touched the handle he turned around. 'Perhaps without the chains, this time?'  
'Of course.' Kingsley Shacklebolt promised.

***  
James walked towards the dungeons with a heavy heart. Even now, so close to his goal, he wasn't sure how he would inform Sirius about.. well. About all of it. Telling him about Remus' passing would not be a good idea. Telling him what _he_ had to do with it even less. Sirius would probably kill him there and then. Once again he could do nothing more than hoping people were willing to put their trust in him.

He rounded the corner and told the guards to leave when he found Sirius where he was supposed to be. No longer a prisoner, but still locked up until someone was to get him. He was seated in his cell, back leaning against the wall. His face was stern and nothing of the glowing happiness it had held before was to be found. James could not even read whether his father's death had affected him in any way. He did, however, stand up fast when he saw James open the cage though made no attempt to walk out. So James walked in, walked towards him and pulled Sirius in a firm hug. It was the first time they saw each other properly since his arrest and James had never been able to express how glad he was his friend was still alive. He just hoped this hug would say it all and was glad to feel it being answered by Sirius.

After a short moment he pulled back, keeping a firm grasp of Sirius' shoulders.  
'Sirius Black.' He started formally and Sirius sniggered.  
'Please. You sound like you're proposing.'  
'Oh shut up.' James said but grinned. Their friendship wasn't lost. Yet. The hardest part was still to come. ''I was going to very formerly ask you forgiveness.'  
'About what?'  
'Thinking you were able to betray us? And every moment after?'  
'That's okay.' Sirius shrugged. 'You were supposed to believe that, so I succeeded.'  
'Yeah well. I'll give you a chance to explain why that was a great idea some other time. Right now we have business to attend to.'  
'They aren't going to interrogate me again, are they?' Sirius said as he stepped back and clutched the arm that had almost been broken a few days ago. The questioner turned out to not be a fan of the Blacks at all.  
'Sirius. No. And I promise I had no knowledge of that. I wouldn't have allowed it to happen. There's just some questions to answer and papers to sign.'  
'Alright.'

'Follow me, please.'

They walked in silence. Just before James was to open the door to the dark room he turned around. He looked upon the man, still in rags, and wondered what he would look like a few hours from now on. What was he going to say? How could he explain in this short moment what had happened and what was supposed to happen? He decided he couldn't. All he could do was ask for Sirius' trust. And so he did.

'Sirius. Promise me one thing.'  
'Okay?'

'Whatever they say, try and stay as calm as possible. I'll explain everything later. You can ask whatever you want. But for now, you have to stay calm.'  
'Why? What are they going to say?'  
'Just trust me.'  
Sirius hesitated for a moment but then nodded.  
'Yeah. Alright. I trust you.'

***

James was impressed by how good Sirius kept his promise. The man had to be incredibly strong of heat. Even when the notary ever so casually mentioned the facts about Remus Lupin, Duke of Hogwarts' death without knowing any details of what had taken place between mentioned duke and the man in front of him. His only response, James saw, came in the form of clenched fists and jaw. The others didn't seem to notice.

James took it upon him to make sure it was a swift questioning to give Sirius a chance to hold his voice straight. Though still impressed by his calm, cool appearance, James wasn't sure how long the man could keep it. Of course he had had a close to regal upbringing once and Blacks were not known for showing emotion. But he knew the passionate heart that burned inside this man's chest.

Even after the other's left and James had taken him upstairs, to the place where he would live now, it took Sirius quite some time before he dropped his façade. James had seen in coming. Sirius exploded. Not in words but a chair, jug and mug were shattered against the wall as Sirius threw them around. James tried to interfere but had no chance of putting in any words. Sirius wouldn't listen. James pinched the bridge of his nose, wondering if there had been a better way to handle this situation. But he couldn't think of any.

Had he told Sirius about his plan, the man would've refused. He could've told him on the way to the judges, but they would've noticed something was not the way it should be. Or should he have? He didn't know.. There probably had not been a good way to do this, either way. He waited until Sirius stopped raging. He just stared at nothing in particular now, seated against the wall with his knees pulled up. James knew he refused to cry. At least with him being around. And so he decided to leave him be and make sure things would work out for the best.

'There's a bath waiting for you, as well as a fresh change of clothes. I'll send a servant up in an hour.'  
'I don't need one. I can bathe myself.' Sirius said in a muffled voice as his had was now buried in his arms.  
'Trust me.'  
'You say that a lot, don't you.' Sirius mumbled but walked towards the mentioned bathroom and started undressing anyway. James left with a _don't drown yourself!. _He ran downstairs as quick as he could and just hoped this would not end like the story Lily had told him about the other day. Julio and Romea or something like that. Tragic, anyway.

It had crossed Sirius' mind to drown himself when the bath was mentioned. The thought of being together with Remus in a life after this one was tempting. One in which no one would judge them or no one cared, simply because they would not be important there. But Sirius realized fully well there was no guarantee this place existed. He emptied a jug of hot water of his head and let his hair stick to his face until he got annoyed by it and wiped it away with a sigh.  
Perhaps this task was given to him for a reason. He had known Remus, no matter how brief it had been, and knew how good and kindhearted the man had been. Perhaps it was his task to continue his good work and rule this land with a just and fair hand? Of course he knew nothing about being a duke. He had hardly been able to take of rosebushes. Let alone people. But surely James could help him with that. He probably knew everything there was to know. Yes. That was the right thing to do. James asked him to trust him. And that was what he was going to do.

As he stepped out of the bath and started drying himself, he realized he hadn't cried yet.  
'And I'm not going to.' Sirius promised himself. 'Happy memories. Happy. Happy.' He kept repeating it as he tried to remember Remus' smile while getting dressed. His eyes like honey. His soft, blonde hair. He tried to be happy about every moment they had spent together but eventually the smile ran away from his face. He couldn't be happy. Not yet. The memories were beautiful, but realizing he would never see that smile again, or touch that blonde hair.. It stung. And so the tears came. Not loud. That wouldn't suit him. But the tears kept streaming until his throat and head hurt from crying to keep it in.  
With one last ruffle of his hair and whipping the tears from his cheeks he walked into the room. Someone was standing by the window. It wasn't James. It was a skinny man with blonde hair, tied together with a ribbon as many longer-haired servants had. Sirius assumed it was the formerly mentioned servant. He wasn't sure what to say and settled for something stupid and incredibly arrogant.

'Are you allowed to just walk in here?'

As the man turned around with a questioning raised eyebrow Sirius saw something was amiss. Later he'd never understand how it took him so long to recognize the man in clothes that fit him well.  
'Oh God'. He gasped and lost his balance, quickly grabbing onto whatever came in reach first. Bedpost.  
'I'm sorry.' The man whispered. 'But at least give me a chance to explain. Will you listen to me?'  
The man walked closer towards Sirius who clasped closer to the bedpost.  
'Are you a ghost?'  
'I assure you I am not.' The man said. And as he reached out and touched Sirius' cheek, Sirius started crying.


	25. Happily Ever Afterwards

**There we are. Last chapter. Can't believe it's finally here! Just realized it took me over three years to get this done and I'm seriously sorry for that! I do, however, have the diary as promised. Instruction to how to get there are at the bottom of this chapter. Feel free to include commentary about that in your review!**

**Thanks to RavenclawWitch18 and of course NeonDomino and your trust that I wouldn't just kill someone off like that ;)**

**Sincerely hope you enjoyed this story and agree with the ending. Hoping to see you again with other stories!**

**Lots of love, Beatlebug. Or Hannah. Whichever you prefer :).**

Shivers ran down his spine as those fingers touched his now tearstained cheek. So warm. So alive. This could not be real. His mind tried to focus, tried to remember whether he had drowned himself after all, but he was quite sure he hadn't. And when he finally dared to look and found those familiar golden eyes, gleaming with life, he knew it was real.  
'Remus. Oh my god, Remus.' He whispered in the other man's hair as he pulled him close. He wasn't a ghost or a figment of his drowned imagination. It felt too good. Those few words were all he said for minutes. He cried. Not with sound, but his body heaved and shook while Remus held him close.  
There were no words that described how they felt that moment. Feeling you lover's heat when you were just about to believe you'd never see them again was about the best thing on earth. Neither of them would doubt that right now.

The short moment in which Remus had been mesmerized by how good Sirius looked in his new clothes with damp hair was gladly exchanged for this one. And no matter how cruel it made him feel, Sirius crying like that only made it better. He could feel Sirius' heart beat like mad against his chest. He recalled how his own heart had skipped several beats when James had informed him about his plan. Remus had asked him over and over again whether it was true. If the would really be with Sirius again. James had promised him again and again but in return made Remus promise over and over again to be more careful.

Remus had not been able to believe it would happen, no matter how often James promised, until that very moment he touched Sirius' cheek. And now he had one arm wrapped around his waist and the other in the wet curls in which he buried his nose. He could feel Sirius' body, still hot from his bath, glow through his clothes. He pushed himself away a little to take a good look at him. Sirius was indeed skinnier then when they first met. But now, bathed and dressed in proper clothing, he looked better than Remus had even seen him. The pale silk with shiny blue stitches matched his eyes and emphasized dark hair and lashes.  
The mentioned eyes were staring back at him, watery with a look of disbelieve. Remus could only wonder what they saw. He surely looked better than was Sirius was used to. Smelled better, too. His new clothes weren't as fancy as what he used to wear in his glory days of Dukeness, but he felt more comfortable in them. But Sirius… Sirius was just plain gorgeous. Well.. Apart from one thing.

'You got this wrong.' Remus mumbled and fixed Sirius' collar, which was buttoned misaligned. His fingers brushing against Sirius' throat made him shiver. It was real..  
'Where would I be without you.' Sirius said, voice croaky. Remus was rendered speechless for a little while. It felt as if his body had already started to eject memories of Sirius and hearing him talk.. It was once again the most beautiful thing he had ever heard, just as it had been weeks ago in a room not fat from this one.  
'You'd be right here.' Remus smiled. 'It was _with_ me that you would be far away.'  
'So I guess trusting James _is_ the right thing to do.' Sirius frowned.  
'Who knew, right.' Remus smiled.

They stared at each other, Remus' fingers still holding the collar and Sirius' hands moving towards the man's wrists, rubbing his thumbs over the exposed skin.  
'Can I kiss you? Or do you think we should talk.'  
'Keep talking and I'll die.' Remus muttered, not willing to admit how much he longed for this moment. He grabbed onto Sirius' collar and let his lips brush past his before crushing into a devouring kiss.  
'Please, not again. Once is enough.' Sirius mumbled between those two kisses.  
'Twice, actually.' Remus corrected him. 'Now stop talking.'  
Of all the kisses they shared, this would be their favorite for quite some time. And all that came after, too.

His fingers fumbled with buttons and Sirius knocked them away, struggling to get out of his pretty new clothes as fast he could. Remus watched in awe as he undressed until he stood in front of him, as naked as the day he was born.  
'Should we..' Remus started, not sure why he was still doubting. He wanted this. So much.  
'Shut up.' Sirius answered his doubts. 'I'm a Duke now and I say this is perfectly fine.' His fingers, slightly calloused from the gardening he used to do, started unbuttoning Remus' clothes.  
'Wait.' Remus stopped him. Sirius attempted to protest but Remus shut him up with a kiss and walked towards the door, locking it. 'Let's not make the same mistake twice, alright?' Then he rushed back, taking his place and allowing Sirius to undress him further until the two of them were fully naked.  
They stood like that for a while, looking at each other. The only other time Remus had seen Sirius naked was a brief moment before he ran off, feeling as if what they were doing was completely wrong. But now.. The phrase _you don't know what you have until it's gone_ was right. And he would be willing to give up _anything_ if that meant keeping Sirius with him.  
He carefully took a step closer and Sirius followed his example. His breathing hitched as they repeated that process once more and they touched, head to toe, and it was fireworks. He wanted to say so much but words failed him. All he could do was move his lips before closing them again. Sirius softly caressed his shoulders as he bowed forward to whisper in Remus' ear.  
'Don't run away from me this time, alright?'  
Remus promised not to as Sirius pushed him towards the bed and they fell down on it. Remus on his back, Sirius on top.

***

'You think James had this in mind when he sent you up?' Sirius asked, still panting as Remus cleaned the cum of his stomach. He had just finished Sirius off with a hand job and couldn't stand seeing his Duke this dirty. He was making quite the servant already. Well. Sort of. He liked to think this task was given to him solely.  
'I think he did.' Remus admitted. 'Though he probably blocked out some details.' He checked his own body for leftovers but Sirius had done a thorough job with his mouth that still made Remus blush. His cock grew half hard again by just recalling that hot mouth that had been working on it not that long ago.  
Sirius snorted.  
'Well, he doesn't know what he's missing. He'll never get laid chasing Lily the way he does!'  
"That ended, actually.' Remus said as he cascaded the handkerchief and sank his head down on Sirius' chest, heart pounding even harder than it had done before.  
'Really? He gave up?'  
'She gave in.'  
'Insane.' Sirius stated as he buried his nose in Remus' hair. 'Can't we stay like this forever?'  
'We could try.' Remus chuckled. 'May make audiences a bit harder though.'  
'Nonsense. We'll keep them right here.'  
'Great plan. No one that would ask questions about the naked servant in your bed.'  
'I'll hide you beneath the blanket.'  
'Excellent. I'm used to hiding anyway.'

It was supposed to be a joke but the air grew thick with complications of the past.  
'Trouble will start again if I die.' Sirius said, leaving Remus confused with the lack of explanation.  
'Sorry?'  
'You know what I mean. I won't marry. I don't want a wife and so I'll never have an heir. And after my father's death they'll surely refuse my with darkness infested brother or any of my insane cousins this position.'  
Remus pulled himself away from Sirius, leaning on one arm to look at his lover.  
'Of course you will marry.' He said, leaving Sirius to stare at him with big eyes.  
'No, I won't!'  
'You will.' Remus pressed. 'You will father children and you will love them every step of the way. It will be complicated, yes. And it will take a fair amount of control from the both of us. But I'm willing to believe that is the price to pay for this.. relationship.' He was to say sin, but it didn't feel like a sin anymore. A complication, yes. But a good one. One he was willing to fight for.  
Sirius stared at him with anger in his stormy eyes.  
'Would _you_ have married someone if it had been the other way around?'  
'I would have.' Remus admitted.  
'Well. That's great.' Sirius growled and pulled himself away from Sirius completely, trying to get out of the bed but Remus grabbed his arm.  
'It wouldn't have been love.' Remus calmed him. It was as if only now he realized how he used he was to the life of secrets and privileges he had led. How ruling a country and the responsibility for his people came before his own needs. Sirius had a lot to lean. 'You know what happened when my father died without an heir. It is only now, so many years later that tragedy seems to have come to an end. I had to hide, live a secretive life. I wouldn't want that for any further generations. It hurts too much.'  
'But I wouldn't love her!' Sirius said, pulling his arm from Remus' grip.  
'And she would understand!' Remus continued. He was starting to see why James had pressed him to fulfill this role in Sirius' guard. 'That is how it works. Work out an agreement. Let her have a lover. Need I remind you I'm the son of a maid? Do you really think my father's wife didn't know I existed? We are not supposed to marry out of love.'  
'But I need you!'  
'Gods, Sirius. Enough with the buts!' Neither of them laughed. 'I will always be there. But we have to be practical.'

Sirius crossed his arms and sniffed, but Remus could slowly see his shoulders lower in understanding.  
'I'm going to be a shite duke.' He said, now burying his hands in his hair. 'I was willing to give it a try when I thought you were dead to honor you and stuff. But it's freaking me out right now. I know nothing about this!'  
'And that's why I'm here.' Remus whispered, glad Sirius didn't shake off the hand he placed on his shoulder. 'It's not going to be easy, but we're not going to let you figure this out on your own.'**  
**'But the estate is so big! How am I ever going to keep track of that! I'm not as calm and organized as you, you know. There, I even said you, you know twice!'  
Remus decided to not mention how he once hid under a bed, not that long ago, and walked towards a dresser. Surprised how comfortable he seemed to be with his own nudity, he opened a drawer and pulled out some rolls of parchment that had been there for quite some time. He sat down on the bed next to Sirius, smiling as he realized he had never done any of this naked before. That sure was a pleasant change of a dull job.  
'Break it down.' Remus advised 'I was planning on doing so myself for quite some time. Here.'

He walked over to a drawer and pulled out some papers, placing them on the bed next to Sirius, who decided to crawl back under the blankets.  
He walked over to a drawer and pulled out some papers.  
'This is a cousin of yours, but from the good side. Nymphadora Tonks. Her father, Ted Tonks, was one of the people that has been working on your appointing. She is the heir to the original Hufflepuff bloodline and raised to rule. I suggest you reinstate her for this part.' He circled a part of a map with his finger.  
'And there is Xenophelius Lovegood. An odd, but good man. With advice from his daughter Luna, they'll be able to rule the former Ravenclaw estate.' And he circled another part.  
'That leaves you the Griffindor and Slytherin grounds to rule and I'm sure you can manage that.'  
'As long as you're with me.'  
'I'm not leaving, even if you want me to.'  
'Never want you to. Fuck. Are you really real?'  
Remus raised an eyebrow.  
'Unless you do what you just did with ghosts on a regular basis, I'm quite sure I'm real.'  
Sirius poked his side and Remus giggled. Then his face grew serious again.

'You are really going to be alright, you know.'  
'I know.' Sirius admitted.  
'And I'll never leave you.' Remus promised as he squeezed Sirius' hand. 'Promise. Now, get dressed.' He ordered Sirius as he jumped of the bed and started dressing himself.  
He heard some ruffling of fabric behind him and he turned around to find Sirius buttoning his collar.  
'Better?' He said with a lopsided smile but still slightly sad eyes.  
'Much better. See, you learn fast.'  
Remus leaned against the windowsill, admiring his lover. It wouldn't be easy. He knew that. But every step of the way would be worth it, as long as they would be together. As he aimed for a more comfortable position by putting his hands in his pockets, he felt something in his pocket. With a smile he pulled it out and walked over to Sirius, putting it in his hands.  
'Is this what I think it is?' He asked.  
Remus nodded.  
'It is.'  
'Shouldn't we burn it?'  
'We should. But perhaps you'd like to read it first.'  
As Sirius sat down on the edge of the bed and flicked the little notebook open, Remus returned to his windows, looking out through the glass that had been his cage for so long.

His gaze wandered off at the flowers and the enchanting green of the grass, plucking his simple clothing. The sun seemed warm, their beams luring. His lips formed to a smile when he remembered how James had pressed  
Never had he been more thankful for the curtains that he had once hated so much.  
The curtains that, until the bitter end, had hidden his appearance.  
Finally he turned around, facing the astonishing grey eyes that had crept up behind him, notebook still in one hand. He placed his hand on the flat chest, feeling his heart beating in time with his own.

'Sirius?'  
'Yes?'  
'Would you fancy a walk?'

**There! The ending! **_**Oh my god.**_** I can't believe it's really over.. I think when I started I had in mind to end it with a spectaculair sex scene, but that just didn't seem to fit. Now.. There was some promising of a notebook! You guys gave me way more than the 40 reviews I asked for, so it's yours. Take the link below, delete the #'s and enjoy!**

**jalbum#.n#et/en/#browse/user/album/1538919**

**Goodbye and see you innnn.. perhaps… the Atticted Sequel?**


End file.
